Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Silence/Cabal Rumour

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edit User:Silence/Cabal_Rumour

I'm planning on putting this up on UNNEWS but I think it could do with a bit of constructive (or deconstructive) criticism before then. Any comments tearfully accepted. Thanks.

Silence 15:31, 18 April 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 3 I'm sorry to say this. But this is mostly a "Cabal Does Not Exist" sort of article. And we know that they don't exist. The Uncyclopedia Adimatti, (also known as the cabal). Told us that they don't exist, 1,000 times over. What you need to do is turn away from the cabal obviously non-existing, to something a little more conflicting. Try making conflicting comments about the cabal existing and the cabal non-existing. Also try to include conflicting evidence that the Cabal does exist. That should bring some fire to the table.
Concept: 2 The concept is a little overdone. You can experience this conecpt easily from the Cabal page. Which contains 8 pages saying that the cabal does not exist. The things I said in humor also apply to the concept. Make it sorta conflicting and confusing.
Prose and formatting: 6 I have to say, your grammar, posture and writing is pretty good. But there are some minor flaws. Like "and an unnamed source deep within the Cabal. A source who spoke from behind dark glasses, further shadowed by the wide brim of a black fedora hat and the haze of cigar smoke that emanated from the glowing stub clenched between his teeth." and "In an unprecedented and wide-rangingspread exchange, which took place deep underground in a secure holding facility. The unidentified source spoke candidly for the first time of the hurt and embarrasment caused to members of the Cabal by assertions of their existence. He denied all knowledge of the secret organisation and was able to produce never-before-seen files, written on official Cabal notepaper, categorically documenting all evidence of its non-existence and including a full list of all crimes, dissapearances and cover-ups that it has not initiated or been involved in." There are many more sentences like that. I corrected some of them in this section, but you'll just have to browse and see what's wrong by reading the article aloud.
Images: 5 I'm going to give you some points there. I did like the caption for the non-existant article. "Your future should you question this article". Still, can I suggest a picture of the cabal with their faces shrouded in darkness. Other then that, I cannot find any other ideas for pictures that could help improve your article. If your desperate, go to Image Request and request an image for your article.
Miscellaneous: 4 Averaged via Pee Review Guidelines
Final Score: 20 I applaud you for trying to bring something new into this tired joke we call the Cabal, but mostly this article is just another way of saying that the Cabal does not exist. Mostly this article needs some conflict. Think to yourself, does the cabal exist, does the cabal not exist, do you have proof? Thinking it out will ensure you that you have all the conflict you need. Also note HTBFANJS and the featured articles, they make great uses as refrences. Have any comments, leave them at my talk page. I wish your article the best of luck.
Reviewer: The Improver talkcontribs22:33, Apr 25 2008 (UTC)
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