Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Mrthejazz/Don’t some work
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I have this in mainspace until it's reviewed. I fear deletion for political reasons.
- Ah, hells. I'll try to review this. I guess. 03:12, 13 February 2011
The idea, the angle, the grand funny of the article...
|I'ma hazard you're aware of the irony of putting such a thing as this up for review - you're literally saying don't put work into things, the opposite of Famine's dealy, and reviews are work. Requesting one is like an implied promise that you intend to put more work into something, and that you've already put in sufficient work that you now need help from another to continue... it amuses me in of itself. I have to wonder if you could have something about that, though - after all, you're sporking Famine's, but no need to stick to it entirely, right? Not that you have; you've already added a fair amount and taken the piece from simple reversal, after all, but there are so many other things you could pull in from around the site.
At any rate, I'll do a little work, myself, whatever that even is. I'll also go vote on some stuff and leave some comments nagging people about various site-related things and try to pull some articles out of the AAP category... not useful, eh?
Seriously, Famine's thingy has bugged me a mite, as well. It's like it's saying that the only important thing to be done around here is write articles, and that just ain't so. I mean, look at ChiefjusticeDS - hardly useless, but it's been quite a long time since he 'worked' on an article. And Sonje - she does images, something Famine specifically lists as not work, and she also hasn't written a single thing herself, yet where would the articles she has illustrated and the songs she has vocalised be without her expert aid? Famine's crusty thing belittles that, as well as what many others do that ain't writing articles, either, so I'm quite glad you've taken the time to put in a little 'work' of your own and say the cronking opposite. It needed saying, and in the spirit of Uncyclopedia, it needed saying funnily, which I'd say you've done rather well already.
Problem is, though, while a wonderful thing to parody, it is also almost entirely an in-joke as it is. More so than a lot of them; it's not just referential to the site and an attitude within, but to a very specific documentation of that attitude that isn't even in mainspace - perhaps you should make it more accessible? Use the parody of Famine's dealy, of course; that is the structure, and a very fine one, at that, but don't leave it at that so much as you have. Make more fun of everyone involved as well, of the points, of work in general, of reactions, of how seriously people take the notion of work. Not just here, but perhaps on wikis in general... 'work' is, after all, a particularly strange notion on a hobby site like this; what are we here for, really? And on Wikipedia, it's even more serious - if you could tie that in, effectively mock the wikipedias and the entire notion of 'work' throughout wilst sticking to the frame of Don't some work, it wouldn't just be an in-joke, but an obvious and strong feature candidate accessible to a wider audience, as well, sort of like Wikipoleonic Complex. Those familiar with Famine's would of course still get more of this, but there is certainly no need to leave it at that. And let's face it, somewhere back in Uncyclopedia's history, it was a parody of Wikipedia, and if we cannot mock them as well as our own overserious selves, what can we mock?
I know, I know, that would take even more work than you have already put into this, but... it'd be so awesome! At least, I think it would be. Feel free to smack me now if you feel otherwise, but I had to at least try. As it is, it's just so self-referential, without that much else.
The implementation, how funny the article comes out...
|As for specifics of the humour that's here and whatnot... hmmm... I'll just go from the start.
Work is not
When I work
The Beginning (A trip down ego lane)
The Idea (That I’m going to make better because I have a Monopoly on humor)
The Starting Research
Time So far, Update
|Prose and formatting |
Appearance, flow, overall presentation...
|I'm afraid Famine didn't put that much work into his presentation. It's just not particularly good, and where you follow it too closely, yours seems to suffer for it as well. Take for instance the table of contents - that's a terrible place for it, considering how the lede tries to transition. Since it doesn't really serve a purpose, anyhow, though, might as well chuck it entirely. Famine's grammar also isn't that good - missing and misuse of commas, needless capitalisation, questionable paragraphing, etc; I'm not sure emulating that is such a good idea. Add to that poorly formed lists, inelegant usage of headers (a h1 in the middle of a page is bad. Well, not always, but in general. And here. Here it just looks bad) and a whole general lopsidedness of the thing, and... eh.
You'll get no argument from me about the 'trip down ego lane' thing being just that, but there is also just so much of it and so little jokery about it, proportionally to the size. Problem is, though, I'm not really sure how much you can change while still sticking to Famine's frame; looks like you've already shortened the 'The Beginning', and the pictures and whatnot, while making it look more like an article and less like a rant, pull it away quite a bit... more and it may well move too far. Still, if you can fix the grammars and whatnots, format the lists, cut out more needless, work in more general humours besides just mocking Famine, you should be able to still stick to the frame whilst getting it to look a wee bit better. That could be part of the joke, too - irony in how the don't do work is better...
Guuh. My normal complaints are mostly on what Famine already did, though, which is just irritating. Only things that're actually your doing that I can think of are some of the headers - smaller headers should be for subsections of the same idea, and when the idea changes, should get a new section. Famine had that problem too, but you may have actually made it worse. I'm not sure. At very least you made it different. And there are also the image captions - the folks musing with the pipes are all very well and fine, but who wants to actually read all that crammed in small font into a small box? It's not that what's there is bad, but... I dunno. Might want to try to shorten the longer ones, even if you are running a supporting sidestory there, just so folks are more inclined to read it.
The graphics themselves, as well as their humour and relevance...
|Wheee, pipes. Decent, but you do need to be careful with the sidestory-ness. It's related, but doesn't directly tie in, so there is danger of losing the reaser even before the too long captions. The last one also seems more random, which sort of fits, but sort of not, so be careful with that. Overall decent images, yes, decent gig going with thim, except for the stick which seems completely out of the blue... it fits with its section but not the other images.
And could you maybe get another one of that same guy - another screenshot of him from the same whatever that's from, perhaps? Mix it up a little more, perhaps...
What was I saying?
Anything else... or not...
|Okay, I'll admit - I don't entirely disagree with Famine's notions, especially in regards to... some. There are a few users who I really wish would stop dicking around and do something useful... write something, read something, spend some time on something, GET THE HELL OF MY TALKPAGE something... but... eh. Actually, I tend to mind them a lot less when they just keep the lengthy chatter off my talkpage...|
|Final score |
22:26, 13 February 2011
|That's my rant to the counter-rant to the rant. Or something. Hopefully it makes sense and whatnot, or at least contains some helpfulness. Satire, eh?
Oh, gods, I really hope Famine never reads this. Not the article; that justifies its own existence well enough, at least in userspace (probably be fine in mainspace even as it is, though it's still too in-jokey to really go anywhere), but this review, it's... oh well.