Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Mordillo/Rashōmon

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edit User:Mordillo/Rashōmon

Based on the masterpiece done by Kurosawa - my version of the Japanese classic film. Or is it?!

~Jewriken.GIF 13:02, 8 October 2008 (UTC)

UUtea A big mug o' reviewin' strength tea? Why, that must mean this article
is being reviewed by:
UU - natter UU Manhole
(While you're welcome to review it as well, you might like to consider helping someone else instead).
(Also, if the review hasn't been finished within 24 hours of this tag appearing, feel free to remove it or clout UU athwart the ear'ole).

OK, I'm all over this right now. --UU - natter UU Manhole 13:29, Oct 10

Humour: 7.5 Tough one to call, this. I like my films, and am reasonably conversant with Rashomon (saw it years ago) so can't approach this as a casual reader. However, I'd say you've done a good job of making the article work to those who haven't seen it - with the exception of the ending, which I'll cover in the "concept" section.

I particularly like the code of the samurai, the Buddhist priest bit, the absurdity of the piano in the woodcutter's bit, the repetition in the wife's bit, the Python reference, the fight showing how out-of-shape the fighters are, and the final line or so where the ending feels like it's going on a bit LotR style.

I'm less convinced by the way you set up the duel in The Woodcutter (Again). I think it's just the prose, it feels a little stilted, although, perhaps it's the fabric softener - perhaps Tajōmaru simply tells the Samurai not to try and dump his raddled old ho on someone else, and walks away, or something like that?

I also think you could have more fun with the migraine running gag - have one build up through the article, so the wife is feeling a headache coming on due to the plot twist build-up as well as a bad hair day in the Bandit section; perhaps the medium has a headache - that kind of thing? Just a thought.

To sum up, there are plenty of nice lines and funny bits in here, my concerns are more to do with making the article feel consistent (slightly ironic, given the point of the film, I guess). To that end, have a look at the ending, as detailed in the next section.

Concept: 8 Oh boy, Rashomon is ripe for the treatment - such an influential work, and plenty to work with. It could have been approached in many ways, much like the storyline - an amusing alternative could have been to go down the kind of route Monika followed with the Marty Friedman article - multiple subpages, each with a different view of the film. Still, the standard Wikipedia style delivers a good take on it here - the twisty-turny nature of the film allows you plenty of angles.

Length-wise, it's about right, as I observed before - you certainly don't want to go on much longer. I know the WP source article does, but that's WP for you!

However, in the context of this particular article (especially if you know nothing of the film) the ending with the baby feels a bit incongruous. I think you need to have the final section be both paragraphs about the baby, and make it a little more clear as to the significance of the child - at the moment, it's unclear where the kid comes from. This isn't helped by the first paragraph under "Plot of the movie", where mention is made of a court, but it's not really made clear where the story is being told, so you get the impression it's in the court - a reader may well get confused and feel the baby is a random insertion: what's an abandoned baby doing in a court? I don't think this helps your article, and you may want to re-think how you explain the set-up, at least to the point where you can include the baby/redemption finale without it feeling so incongruous.

Prose and formatting: 8 All follows nicely, and it looks like some kind, selfless soul or other made a few helpful tweaks to iron out a couple of kinks. Reads well, no problem.
Images: 7 Plenty of them, and pretty decent and well used. The Piano one is a bit of an obvious 'chop - but then, it kind of works with the absurdity of the situation described. Yeah, images are fine, if not outstanding.
Miscellaneous: 7.6 Averaged.
Final Score: 38.1 I like it. But then, I'm a big film fan - I probably would! I think it would probably play quite well on VFH as it is, but I'd like to see at least the ending tweaked a bit as I mention above. Give a little more thought to how your article hangs together (as opposed to how it works in the film) and pull it together a little more. And when you're finished, give me a shout, and I'll happily nom it for you.

Hope this helps, don't forget the usual gumph about this being my opinion and others being available.

Reviewer: --UU - natter UU Manhole 14:26, Oct 10
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