Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Mnbvcxz/Preggobear

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edit User:Mnbvcxz/Preggobear

I've had this in my userspace for a while. I want to get someone's opinion if this is funny or just creepy. Mn-z 03:02, February 20, 2011 (UTC) :I got this. I'll try to get this done in time. Expect it to be done in 24-32 hours.--Iwillkillyou 333 TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 05:59, February 20, 2011 (UTC)

Nevermind--Iwillkillyou 333 TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 21:29, February 21, 2011 (UTC)
Humour: 8.5 It is a random and funny article with a variety of humour styles and lots of laugh out loud moments. The more random and absurd the better. I get the feeling that this bear is doing whatever it wants and gets away with it and thats funny. Maybe you can utilise this to make the article more consistant and with a clearer concept. Just an idea. There are quite a few laugh out louds and this is really my kind of humour. I like random dirty stuff but "sick perverted fucker" seems to jump out as not belonging in the article. Maybe an equally dirty and funny phrase will fit in better with the rest. It was horrible made me LOL. Umbilical cord was a good LOL. The human law part, seems like two parts that say the same thing and one is enough as neither are super funny. The line about assaulted males becoming homo sexuals is shocking and funny and I laughed out loud and felt really bad about it. the activist quote is funny though could be tidied up a little. I am completely lost in the GFTO section, dont get any of it. It seems like there is funny in it, but maybe something universally understood without inside jokes would make it truly fuunny. Ovarian cyst was a lol moment. The last paragraph is a rather funny list like but in prose form list of funniness. The last sentence however is strange and is maybe one of the least funny of the whole article (minus the GFTO section) and its a shame to end such a funny article with a mediochre line.
Concept: 6 The topic is so creative, and thats a plus, but the concept over all is wishy washy. Im not sure what you are trying to do or say except that this bear has a serious sexual problem, then does horrible stuff and then you should avoid it. This might all be able to fit into an overall concept (such as the above suggestion that it gets away with everything thus watch your back) or something even better, but the article could use a clearer over all concept and I think it would make it a lot funnier.
Prose and formatting: 8 raveled=reveled. conclusion error=this is a falicious conclusion. Good prose. Though the style do change. Some sentences are super well written, really funny others could use tightening up. Again, mix of styles makes the article seem to go from totally absurd to information like without transitions.
Images: 2.5 The images arent doing it for me. I know for a fact you can do better. I like where you place them, thats important. The only one I really like is the actual bear. For sure you can find better images or get ones made. The article would be helarious that way. Imagine an image of pregobear stalking someone, or even something more outrageous and actual violation.
Miscellaneous: 10 I gave a 10 cause this article does deserve a higher number. It is super creative, really funny and kept my attention the whole time and i laughed laughed laughed and was never bored.
Final Score: 35 I really really like the article. I hope you take this as "in my humble opinion". It is good waiting to be super bodacious. That being said, I dont get the GFTO thing at all. Apart from that, its a great article, much more interesting than most things on VFH right now. As far as I am concerned this article should be featured. One way of getting there is having a clear concept, a more consistant tone and better images, especially the images and concept. That being said, your article is an absurd story of a made up bear that rapes pregnant woman. If you want to get a random absurd bear rape article through the VFH page its going to have to be extra good, funny in a clever way, spick and span writing and ending with a bang.
Reviewer: --ShabiDOO 02:49, March 1, 2011 (UTC) ps forgive my really bad spelling and what not

Thanks for the review, I dropped the GTFO section. It was a reference to another article with a similar concept, and in hindsight, probably doesn't make sense without knowing about the article. I also added a section on legal controversies, and replaced a couple of the pics. --Mn-z 03:18, March 3, 2011 (UTC)

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