Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Meganew/Shark Bite

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My article needs to be reviewed before I mainspace it. The goal it to make it actually humorous instead of virulent like the original author intended. --Revolutionary, Anti-Bensonist, and TYATU Boss Uncyclopedian Meganew (Chat) (Care for a peek at my work?) (SUCK IT, FROGGY!) 01:34, November 24, 2012 (UTC)

User:Meganew/Shark Bite

Revolutionary, Anti-Bensonist, and TYATU Boss Uncyclopedian Meganew (Chat) (Care for a peek at my work?) (SUCK IT, FROGGY!) 01:34, November 24, 2012 (UTC)

Concept: 3 This appears to be about Blue Spike Beverages of Canada. However, make the link from article to reality, I needed to go extensive google searching. It turns out that "Shark Bite" is nameplay on "Blue Spike" and "Powershot" is the name of energy drink that Blue Spike used to produce. My google research indicates the Powershot is no longer in production. A search of "Powershot" will direct the reader to a line of cameras. A search of the beverage "Powershot" will direct the reader to a certain size of energy drinks. Wikipedia doesn't know who Blue Spike Beverages is, and is much less aware of the depreciated Powershot brand.

However, it appears that this article isn't really about an energy drink, but a communal sockpuppet who fought with a troll about 6 years ago. This I can derive from the article and my previous experience on the wiki. However, the average reader might not know who Benson is. It is a very old inside joke that nobody else uses anymore. When you create satellite material to an inside joke, you run the risk of beating a dead horse. The best inside jokes are things that are inherently funny, and something you can "get" without being there when the joke was created.

The parts that are actually about powershot are simple virulence instead of humor. When you use a strike out, you come across as ranting rather than funny. The same is true of Capslock in most situation. Is there a reason Blue Spike something about Blue Spike that one can parody? And if so, would the reader have a chance of caring about it? Parody consists of exaggerating the negative aspects of a person or organization. As Spike (or someone else) once said, you can't make fun of Sarah Palin for having a peg leg.

Prose and Formatting: 6.5 I see mo major formatting errors. However, I do see a titles placed too frequently toward the end. Generally, it is better to bold and enlarge text than adding another header. I assume you are experienced to know what an article should look like.

Also, there are (or were) spaces between the "see also" links, and a couple other needless enters. I took the liberty to fix that, along with replacing a header by enlarged text. As you are aware, such courtesy edits should be taken as suggestions only.

Images: 5 The shark bite kid image looks like it might belong in the article. He does have a spaced-out look that would consistent with an "energy drink as a drug" article. However, the image seems like isn't really related to the text as it stands. This is more of the fault of the text than the image.

The Special Ed image is cliche. The inside joke makes it sort of acceptable. I would blow it up some so that the reader can see the text.

Humour: 3 Most of humor relies of cliches and bombastic insults. You mention "666" Chuck Norris. ASPOLDE, Bill Gates, Al-Qaeda, the Middle East, and piss in a 5 kilobyte article. A 5 kb article is still in the stubby range for mainspace. Most of the "jokes" aren't delivered properly. For example:
Napoleon was seen cackling, rubbing his hands together, and strutting around the formerly-presidential palace in Paris in a pair of his shinyest black boots and a cape (and nothing else) for several days after being formally given his new title.

is more funny than

he was seen cackling, rubbing his hands together, and strutting around the formerly-presidential palace in Paris naked, wearing just a of his shinyest black boots and a cape, for several days after being formally given his new title.

I think you know how to deliver jokes better than article suggests. I assume you have finished cleaning up the original version yet.

The "see also" can use work. Link to relevant sites, not naughty words and insults.

Finally, never use wordplay as the pagename to the article {{Title}} can change the title of an article while leaving the pagename where it at. The code for this one would be {{Tl|Shark Bite}}. Noone is going to go looking for an article by title word-play.

Improvability Score: 3 Basically, you need to make this article about the inside joke, the product, or somehow combine the two. There are weak points of all three methods. If you focus on the inside joke, the article is satellite material about satellite material, and this article's relationship to Powershot (the sock) is tenuous at best. Likewise, the actual company article had notability issues. The reader probably doesn't know who Blue Spike is, unless he lives in Canada.

A combined article would have the weaknesses of both, plus the issue of integrating Benson into a random Canadian beverage company. However, it would have the advantage of being able to use source material from both "takes" on the article. However, this article has little material anywhere.

Final Score: 20.5 I would suggest working on another project. If an inside joke-based article needs a pee review, that means people who get the reference won't find it very funny. That, in turn, means the uninitiated will totally miss the humor vaiue. --Mn-z 13:17, February 9, 2013 (UTC)
Reviewer: --Mn-z 13:17, February 9, 2013 (UTC)

You may want to remove your pee request at the fork. Also, please raise any issues at my talk page. My watch list is 11,000 + article long, and I may miss any comments here. --Mn-z 13:17, February 9, 2013 (UTC)

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