Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Mattsnow/UnNews:Tour de France 2011 résumé
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Hi! I do not need a 267 254 word review for this one, a medium size one will suffice! Mattsnow 16:21, July 17, 2011 (UTC)
|Humour:||8.5||A very good job here, a little more violent than I had expected or wanted, but that's just me. Since this is an UnNews article, I will not go into intense, in-depth humour analysis, but I will make some suggestions. For one, I like you avoided the steroid use stereotype here, except for the mountain goat blood, which I thought was handled well. Some notes with this section:
"On week 2 started the grueling mountain stages, where numerous peculiar incidents happened: Italian rider Alessandro Mussolini got disqualified for injecting himself with mountain goat blood. Netherland's Neanderthal Thor Hushovd was devoured by a bear in the Pyrenees. Luckily, his $10,000 bike is safe and sound. Not a scratch on the paint. Hushovd's skeleton was also found in magnificient condition. Fence Legstrong lost control of his machine on a descent and impaled himself in, well... a fence post. He will be missed."
I think it would be nicer if you had a bunch of misspellings of Netherlands, just to joke at how it could be difficult for many people to spell and then finish off with a Neanderthal joke. Also, I don't understand why you did "well...a fence post." I thought maybe you were going for a redundancy joke here, but I'm not sure. I feel like it would be funnier to just say it, but that's just my opinion. I also think it would be funny to insert "The bear has refused to comment of the demise of Hushovd," or something to include the bear in a melodramatic way, if you get what I'm saying. Take these suggestions with a grain of salt.
Another thing, you talk about a duel between sprinters: Marc Cavendish and Pat McCain, but you don't really talk about McCain. Maybe make it more obvious that McCain was going to lose with something like, "it was a duel between sprinters, Marc Cavendish and Pat McCain, with Cavendish being ahead by only 400 miles," or something like that. Also, don't need a colin before listing the players names, but I could be wrong about that. Just suggestions.
All in all, I can't really think of anything major to say to you about this article. You did a good job and I'm not looking to be to critical since it is UnNews. Frankly, it's one of the better UnNews articles I have seen in a while. So good job and look for the little things, like the things I suggested. Toodles!
|Concept:||8||Since this an UnNews article, I didn't account for creativity in the topic. However, I did account for creativity in the execution of the topic, which I thought you did very well. Especially for an UnNews article, good job there.|
|Prose and formatting:||7.5||Good good, however, I did notice some problems with some words and sentences, minor things, things you'd only notice if you were reading the article outloud to yourself. For example, "examine in details the events," look at details. Also, "own admission, "feel the invigorating breeze on my groin area." I think it should be "To feel," but that doesn't seem like a big deal. Just re-read over the article ( I'm sure you will) and check for any other errors like that.
Format wise, Something feels weird about the last picture an dhow it clumps with the article. You might want to minimize the picture, or take it to the right or something. Once again, this is more of a personal issue, so feel free to tell me to bugger off.
|Images:||7||Two images, that's overachieving in an UnNews article. However, I have mixed feelings about that first image. I didn't particularly find it funny, and it kind of contradicts with the second image where Sclack looks normal. Perhaps an image of all the contestants tripping and falling en masse, which should be easy to find as I've seen many of such pictures. If you did that, you could then have a caption like, "The contest is off to a great start!" or something like that. If you're feeling frisky, maybe even photoshop an image of the Spainard and Luxem-whatever, like, sissy slapping each other while riding their bikes with a caption like, "A true display of sportmanship and masculinity." Although that last one may be slightly tough, but who knows, photoshopping gets better everyday. The main point though, is that I think you might want to change that first image, possibly, maybe, just a suggestion.
I liked the second one, leave that how it is.
|Miscellaneous:||8||I liked this article. A little more morbid than I had expected, but still a very good article, especially for an UnNews article. I might even consider this to be a VFH article, but I can't be too sure about that as there are some picky people over there right now. If opportunity does open up though, I'd consider putting it up there.|
|Final Score:||39||You know where to find me, just give me holla' on the talkpage. Oliphaunte away! Wooooosh|
|Reviewer:||--Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა) 06:54, July 25, 2011 (UTC)|