Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Mahm00shA/Bob the sperm
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If you liked it, please submit it to VFH.
- please, somebody do it!
Don't worry adoson, I'll do it then.
- thanks, adodada SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 06:56, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
- Holy Crap I forgot I put this here. I'll make sure I review it tonight. By the way, do you ever actually put articles into mainspace? I know it's not necessary, but people might be more likely to see it then.
|Humour:||8.231||Broken Down As Always
Quotes: None. I always like to see quotes at the beginning, but maybe that's just me. You might include one with someone saying Bob was their childhood hero.
Intro:Bobbitikus Spermecyte? HAHAHAHA nice.I like it so far, with the many testicle references. However, I would avoid using pro$tate with the $ sign, just cuz sometimes replacing letters with symbols c@n b a
|Concept:||9.768||I simply love the comment. Taking a look at a single sperm, as if he was a person. When I read this, I for some reason always picture King Leonidas as a sperm, which I love. Pure genioucals (Haha, it's genius combined with genitals)|
|Prose and formatting:||6.344||Not bad, but not great. While there is a few minor spelling errors that could be fixed with just a read-through, that isn't really my concern. In the Spermiogenesis section, it seems like a lonbg run-on sentence, which is never good. Make sure this is broken up. Also, it just looks a tiny bit sloppy, mainly because of the pictures. Other than this not many problems. Just little things which can be fixed easily, just look over it again.|
|Images:||4.324||My main cocern. While there is nothing necessarily wrong with the pics, they could be better. For instance, make it look more Bob-specific. You paint a mental picture of Bob as a buff hero sperm, but the pics contradict that. In the dying pic, Bob should probably be pointed out. The first pic should feature a tougher face, with maybe a helmet or something, to make him look like a warrior. The 3D pic is a little bit bland. Once, again, make it Bob-specific. Maybe put a bulker sperm next to it as a Bob-to-blank comparison, I don't really know. Just jazz it up a bit. The real-world pic is funny and ironic, but it makes Bob once again seem like just a normal sperm. Try taking one of them, and putting it in with a scientific pic of many sperm, to make him stand out. All of this can probably be done with the image request page, or, if you know a potatochopper, ask them to fix 'em up. Other pic suggestion might be the band, Vaginal Invasion, or Jonah Hill from Accepted (if you've never seen it, he appears in a sperm suit.) The captions definately might need some work, but mainly the first one. It's funny at first, but then it doesn't fit with the article. Ya know, if you've ever played a game fromthe worms series, you could get a pic of one of them, and make 'em white. Also, work on the positioning, you don't want pics to intersect the words. Maybe make some smaller. Spermiogenesis should be beside the 2nd pic, not above it. Life should start below the 2nd pic to avoid compression. The last pic creates intersection havoc, but that can be fixed if you make the last two sections into one. And I think that that's about it.|
|Miscellaneous:||8.546||I hate the miscellanious (holy shit I spelled that right) section. I never have anything good to put here that hasn't been said. Basically, it's good. Some parts need fixed. You know the drill.|
|Final Score:||37.213||I honestly really enjoyed reading this article. It was genuinely funny. Congrats. If you have issues with the pics, tell me directly. Hope you liked it!|
|Reviewer:||Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods|
- You didn't spell it right. It's "miscellaneous". Note that e before "ous". Also, nice review. Cheers! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 20:08, 10 April 2009 (UTC)