Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Magic man/UnNews:FCC puts new censorship law in place (slightly censored) (Again)
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Because I'm not sure if Zombiebaron knew there was more to the joke. Also, in addition to an in depth pee review, could whoever reviews this answer this question: Would it be funnier if there wasn't a regular article under the black bars? Thanks. -- 02:46, July 17, 2011 (UTC)
|Humour:||6||The humour is little simple and corny in this article, but unfortunately, there's not much you can do about that with UnNews articles. My main suggestion to create some sort of surprise with the blackouts of the sentences. I can't find the article example, but you could try something it does where a bunch of parts of the sentences are blacked out while the visible words spell out bad or sexual thing when you aren't reading the blacked out part too, like this, "And so he sold his information about the cock fight to the FBI, who then stopped the fight and were overjoyed." You get what I'm saying? Right now, there's no oomph with the blackouts. The reader kind of is just flipping his mouse over all the parts with no real surprise in humour, which is sad because the blackouts are usually the best time to surprise someone with humour, assuming the humour isn't corny. For example, your jokes about the black guy in the first paragraph, not that funny, even with the history teacher thing. You should maybe change it to something like, "Dirty Ricky, a self-employed pimp, had this to say, " Damn right it's time those niggers in the government censored those white nigger crackers. Them crackers can't be rolling up in here and telling me "What's up nigger?" How you think my bitches feel when someone uses a derogatory term like that in front of them. Prostitute #1: What did you say to us? Dirty Ricky: Yea, I called you bitches, now get back to work you hoes! And screw them crackers!" In other news, the FCC has just released a statement that are now pursuing to ban the word 'cracker' in all uses of the word." Just an idea, vary it up a bit, I know you can do better with the humour guy.
Also, I don't think that having the entire second paragraph blacked out is too funny. It's be better to have everything expect one word like "pancakes" blacked out as right now, it seems more like you made a mistake and accidentally blacked out the entire second paragraph. Also, that one word black out with the exclamation point in the first paragraph. Not sure if there's a purpose behind it, but um, seems unnecessary. I would delete it.
On a side note, I found that stuff of Obama to be mildly humourous, but it doesn't save the article.
As I see it right now, this looks just like an article that you just got lazy with and wanted to black everything out. I find this strange in part because the article deals with the government censoring the word nigger from television, so I wasn't sure how that was related to you censoring the entire article. I mean, there is some relation, but it's a stretch, especially when talking about television censoring. I guess the best route to take is to elaborate a bit more on the censoring, maybe have an FCC person be like, "Hell, if we can censor nigger from television, imagine what we could be able to censor on the internet! Everything! or something so that is gives purpose to all your censoring.
Also, add some creativity to your article, follow my advice about making random funny sentences through black lines and use your mind to turn this boring, blacked-out article, into something creative and funny. That's about all I can tell you, censor articles aren't exactly by strong suite as in I don't like them, but I hope I could help.
|Concept:||6||Eh, censor jokes aren't really that original and creative so I can't give you that much of a score. It is however, an UnNews article that is around average, so I gave some grace points. Also, I brought up an issue about the relation of your censoring and the word nigger being censored. It's in the humour section, check it out.|
|Prose and formatting:||6||The black lines annoy at certain points, especially having to get the mouse right over them otherwise the black comes back. Also, the format is a little crowded, which is bad for censor article sice the black takes a lot of space and I noticed some spelling errors. Re-read the article and fix those. That is all|
|Images:||6||Not as clever as you might think about the image being completely black. It would be funnier to have a picture of a guy with furniture in the background and such and have his face, part of the lamp, part of the table, part of everything black out. It's funny because blacking out objects like that is extremely unnecessary and ridicules censoring. Also, you should censor the guy's hands or something, but only some of the fingers, that way, the reader is like hahaha that's unnecessary, or something.
Only really need one image here and I've given you a suggestion. THe caption is fine, but the image, not that funny. If you want to add another image, go for it, but no ideas are comign to my head right now. I'll leave that to you.
|Miscellaneous:||6||So many sixes...I wonder if it's a sign. Have you ever been spray-tested with holy water Magic Man?|
|Final Score:||30||So yup. You can send me the message or whatnot on the talkpage. Please don't censor your messages, it gets troublesome having to encrypt my computer and channel to server packets through mainland China since the government is touchy about black lines over sentences Communist Bastards.|
|Reviewer:||--Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა) 22:13, July 18, 2011 (UTC)|