Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:MacMania/Paul is undead

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This is awful. Bring on the comments and suggestions! Thanks in advance—MacManiasig.png MacManiasig-cheerios.png MacManiasig-holmes.png MacManiasig-starwars.png MacManiasig-firefly.png MacManiasig-pixar.png MacManiasig-oregon.png MacManiasig-lesmiz.png MacManiasig-doctor.png 16px-HalLogo.png Portal16px.png UncycLensFlare16px.pngDalek16px.png 16px-ChekhovSig.png16px-JapanSig.png Sir MacMania GUN[22:41 19 Jul 2010]

If this review isn't done within 24 hours.... just wait longer! --John Lydon 10:33, September 14, 2010 (UTC)

Humour: 7 I find it ironic that I wound up doing this review because I think I just posted this not 2 weeks ago. However ironic that may or may not be, I found it funny. Which adds to your humor score. Which basically means I’m over rating an article about a Beatle. Which makes this an official ironic twist. Kind of like a M. Night Syamalan movie. Since I hate M. Night Shayamalan, you lose points. Now that we’re back to square one, let’s get rolling.

Right off the bat I had some questions about this article. I was initially worried by the intro. It just seemed like too far fetched of a concept for it to actually be funny. My concerns were laid to rest by the second section though. You really knocked the setup out of the park. The radio station phone call, hidden message in the song, and the DJ’s misinterpritation of the lyrics really set this up as plausible for the reader. After all, if people can be convinced Elvis is being kept alive in some secret government base, why is this a stretch?

I also thought that the way you managed to turn well known Beatles facts into “hidden clues” about Paul’s undead state was very well done for the most part. There were a few “clues” that I felt were a little too much of a stretch however. For instance, the White album cover seemed a little out of place. With the other album covers, you managed to simply build on what was already there. Simply adding a few items to the cover art of Sgt. Pepper’s was fine, and the job you did with the Abbey Road cover was nothing short of fantastic. But on the White Album, which is simply a solid white image, you actually created a whole new cover. It’s just a little too much of a stretch for readers. After thinking for quite a while about how to fix this, I think I may have come up with a way to keep what you have and explain the totally modified cover. Instead of hoping to pass your cover of the White Album off as reality, why not say something like “When held under a blacklight, an image of Paul’s Zombified hand is clearly visible, lending further credibility to speculations.” It wouldn’t have to be a blacklight though. It could be invisible ink, radiation, or whatever else you can think of. This would really make the accusation plausible on the surface to the reader, instead of out and out ridiculous.

To sum everything up in a neat little package, I felt like the amount of detail and “fact distortion” in this article is what really makes it work. The way you bend the reality surrounding the Beatles to support a ridiculous claim is this article’s main source of humor. And it works well. The downside to this formula is that you have to shy away from stretching facts too far. Like in the case of the White Album cover.

Concept: 7.5 Like I said in the humor section, my first impression was that John Lennon seemed to be the obvious choice to be the subject of this article. After reading through, I can see why you used McCartney instead. I really, really want to say that this concept is a little tired. On the one hand you have the Beatles, one of the most talked about bands of all time mixed with Zombies, which have been used to death recently in every media format from print to film. On the other, you do such a fantastic job of creating a solid story and merging these two overused topics together. After consulting my magic eight ball, I feel I’m ready to make my decision. I like the idea. No. I love it!

Sure zombies are tired and the Beatles are old news, but you found a way to merge the two in an entertaining and captivating style. To me, if it’s funny, it shouldn’t matter how cliché the topic is. If anything, using a tired topic and making it entertaining is far more difficult than trying to make something new and untested appealing. So well done here sir.

Prose and formatting: 8.5 I felt like you did a phenominal job of keeping a journalistic feel throughout the entire article. I didn’t notice a style or POV change anywhere. I also felt like you did a fantastic job of spreading the humor out and avoiding any lulls or dull spots in the article. After thinking about it, I realized that I was really into the story you were telling. I enjoyed the occasional silly comment, but I felt like the majority of the humor in this article actually comes from the entire article as a whole and not just a funny comment placed here and there. To me, that’s the true hallmark of a satyrical piece. Very well written.

As far as formatting goes, my only concern is that you seem to jam a few too many images into one spot towards the end, which makes the article appear cluttered. I definatley don’t want to see any of the images removed because I think they’re very good. My first thought was to recommend shrinking the Sgt. Pepper’s album cover a bit, but I’m concerned that might make it a little difficult for the reader to see the “clues” you added. Maybe playing around with the location of the images would help a bit. Try moving the Sgt. Pepper’s cover up a few lines and see what that looks like. Or do nothing at all. After all these are just my opinions and I have been known to indulge in the drink if you know what I mean.

Finally, there’s a small issue with your sense of direction. When referring to the Sgt. Pepper’s album cover in the article you say, “(see right)”. It’s actually to the left. You make the same mistake with the White album, syaing it is to the left when it’s actually to the right. Minor issues and quick fixes though.

Images: 9 I found it interesting that the images seem to get better as the article goes on. The first image is borderline okay. There is nothing wrong with it persay, but it isn’t going to stop traffic.

Then we move on to the Sgt. Pepper’s album cover. At first glance, I thought you just put the actual album art up. After reading the caption, I noticed the modifications that were made. Here again, I notice a few flaws in the chop job such as the white outline around the chainsaw. But it’s definitely leaps and bounds better than you’re first image. I believe I’ve already made my thoughts about the White album cover pretty clear in the humor section, but I do have another ntipick about it as well. I’m guessing it’s the Left 4 Dead hand merged onto the album cover, but why? Using that hand forced you to explain why the thumb was missing. You tried to explain it but I think you went the wrong way with it. I think leaving it at “Paul’s decaying right hand” would have been better than saying his thumb is cut off. Now, as the reader, I’m wondering why and how the thumb is missing.

We finally come to my favorite image. One of the most famous Album cover’s of all time, Abbey Road. If you chopped this image yourself, very, very, well done. I really think this is a for sure feature image, barring one minor change. I’m not sure if it’s possible (because I suck at photoshop) but if you could somehow fade the green on McCartney’s skin it would be perfect. The current green is just too bright to fit in. If you can make that change, I guarantee a highlight for this image.

Miscellaneous: 8 Averaged Score
Final Score: 40 I really enjoyed this article. It wasn’t overly funny but the humor you do have mixed in with a lot of cool ideas and a great writing style made this article work really well. I’m not sure how the overall reception will be by the masses, but I thought it was really well done.
Reviewer: --John Lydon 15:18, September 15, 2010 (UTC)
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