Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:MacMania/Oregon Trail

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When it gets moved to UnBooks-space, I'll call it UnBooks:An Authentic Journal of Travelers on the Oregon Trail. Regardless, it badly needs an in-depth review. MacManiasig.png MacManiasig-cheerios.png MacManiasig-holmes.png MacManiasig-starwars.png MacManiasig-firefly.png MacManiasig-pixar.png MacManiasig-oregon.png MacManiasig-lesmiz.png MacManiasig-doctor.png 16px-HalLogo.png Portal16px.png UncycLensFlare16px.pngDalek16px.png 16px-ChekhovSig.png16px-JapanSig.png Sir MacMania GUN[04:05 23 Aug 2009]

And, yes, I am aware of the shortage of links. I will likely only get around to adding more after a review. MacManiasig.png MacManiasig-cheerios.png MacManiasig-holmes.png MacManiasig-starwars.png MacManiasig-firefly.png MacManiasig-pixar.png MacManiasig-oregon.png MacManiasig-lesmiz.png MacManiasig-doctor.png 16px-HalLogo.png Portal16px.png UncycLensFlare16px.pngDalek16px.png 16px-ChekhovSig.png16px-JapanSig.png Sir MacMania GUN[04:06 23 Aug 2009]
Humour: 8.5 Consistently funny throughout. I was actually impressed with how consistent you managed to keep this--articles of this sort typically run out of steam long before the end. The reason you've managed to do this is because you make really good use of two of the most common "types of jokes", if you'll indulge the concept. Most good articles have either a running joke/jokes that hammer home the article's point (these are appreciate most by the article's prospective target audience) or a variety of throwaway one-liners to keep things interesting (to entice the casual reader). Most great articles make use both. This makes use of both. You've also managed to distribute the funny pretty evenly between the two, which is also a big positive. The one thing I'd change, however, is the density of the funny--you have a lot of entries that are little more than "this happened, here is my response." While its good you have some of these to "play the straight man," as it were, you could probably get by just as well with two-three less, thereby increasing the overall funny density.
Concept: 9 The article's strongest point. I'm not going to leave a big long paragraph explaining what it is and how it works, because you and I both know this already and I'm not going to waste your time. It doesn't need any improvement/modification, let's just say that.
Prose and formatting: 6.5 I'm quite nitpicky about this section, so here goes:
  • You've already made known you need more links, but I'll say it again: add more links.
  • I'm not entirely sure why all the character names are lowercase--I'm probably missing something. However, even if it serves some comedic purpose, it still looks awkward, and as such should be fixed.
  • The contents sidebar is really big and disruptive--you can probably get by with just getting ride of it altogether.
  • You could easily afford to make either every picture larger by about 50-100px or adding at least two more, as there's a ton of whitespace.

Other than the above points, your spelling and grammar are quite good, and require no revision. If you address the points above, the score here becomes an eight or nine, easy.

Images: 7.5 Not much to say here--all the pictures are obviously from Oregon Trail (on a side note, your tying this in with the "mysterious eye disease" is quite clever), and as such work well with the article's subject. Furthermore, the captions are all well-done. As I mentioned above, the images themselves could either be made larger or you could add more pictures, one or the other.
Miscellaneous: 8.5 A really enjoyable read from one of this site's better newer users.
Final Score: 40 Just address the formatting issues, and maybe edit the "this happened on this day" entries to keep them down to a minimum. Even without those revisions, however, this could easily be featured.
Reviewer: Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 21:46, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
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