Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:MacMania/H2G2 (take 1.1)

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edit The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (take 1.1)

I know someone else is planning on a rewrite of this, but so far it hasn't materialised, and I have some old scores to settle with my version, so here it is for completeness anyway. MacManiasig.png MacManiasig-cheerios.png MacManiasig-holmes.png MacManiasig-starwars.png MacManiasig-firefly.png MacManiasig-pixar.png MacManiasig-oregon.png MacManiasig-lesmiz.png MacManiasig-doctor.png 16px-HalLogo.png Portal16px.png UncycLensFlare16px.pngDalek16px.png 16px-ChekhovSig.png16px-JapanSig.png Sir MacMania GUN[02:45 15 Jul 2010]

Update: Moved to mainspace out of impatience with the queue. MacManiasig.png MacManiasig-cheerios.png MacManiasig-holmes.png MacManiasig-starwars.png MacManiasig-firefly.png MacManiasig-pixar.png MacManiasig-oregon.png MacManiasig-lesmiz.png MacManiasig-doctor.png 16px-HalLogo.png Portal16px.png UncycLensFlare16px.pngDalek16px.png 16px-ChekhovSig.png16px-JapanSig.png Sir MacMania GUN[00:45 29 Jul 2010]
This deserves a review. So I shall review it. By tomorrow. This time. Give or take a time zone. Yes. For now, though, I need to do some research. You know. Research. ~ Pointy (talk) (stalk) -- 20100901 - 02:56 (UTC)
Humour: 7 Panic! But this refers to the first edition Guide, not the second, so nevermind. But you could mention that as some sort of reaction to the popularity (and in some cases, lack thereof) of the spin-off earthan merchandising stuff or something. After all, it was a nice birdy.
Mkay... with the introduction, this would work better if it better introduced the article itself. That would would better if the article would make its mind what it's about, the Guide as an encyclopaedia, the Guide as a book and subsequent merchandising, or a combination of the two that would require some proper explaining. Which would go in the introduction.
And then the funniness would probably follow from there.
The idea of it being overshadowed by its merchandise is a start, so explain how that ever happened. Is that just on Earth, then?
I do rather like the comment about the macintoshes, though. Following with how the actual (book) Guide goes is a nice touch, but you probably need to do that even more for it to stand out.
  • Origins - I detect facts. Tsk tsk... but seriously, it's a good mix of truth and... not truth, whatever the word is. The problem is after these facts shift to the not facts - As I may keep saying, this would be a good place to have a more in-depth explanation of the connection between the reader's reality and the article's other reality involving the rest of that galaxy, if that makes any sense; as is it loses a fair amount of its impact by making one do a double-take and go, wait, what?
The fact that he really was drunk is amusing on its own, but obviously just reality won't do here, oh no. This is Uncyclopedia, not the local news-stand. Fortunately, you make up for this oversight by bringing in nice little details like the earthworms, the wiki-like methodology, and of course... the lunch breaks.
  • History - This part could also work to tie the book and encyclopaedia together, but it only covers the encyclopaedia (and a little bit of the movie, though that could be pulled off as the reality, by the way it's included).
Anyway, this section seems to undergo some sort of... well, I dunno, but anyway, as itself the section is pretty well packed with jam. And by jam, I mean humour. Blueberry flavoured. Touches like the barely justifying its pricing, the fact that they were looking for a voice-actor like Peter Jones and then after a roundabout gesture, hired Peter Jones, and the bit about the iPhone, these I quite liked. 'Sa good section.
  • Tie-ins - Ahah! A mention of how they fit together! And... okay. So this section is at least justified, I suppose. Which really begs the question of why in the blimey the waits this long to get into even this connection... but still.
Poor Wikipedia, though. Even worse than the original. So where does Uncyclopedia and all them other oddities wind up?
So this... random drivel. How, exactly, did it come about if Adams worked on the encyclopaedia and then the book? Where would there be time to write the book and everything else? And all the merchandising, for that matter, why would that be through a writer and why would it only wind up on one apparent planet?
Radio - Okay, so who is John Lloyd? Why would he have a fit? Why would things be specifically urban legends if the entire thing is random drivel?
Red Dwarf - how would this exceed the silliness? Care to back up claims?
The computer game also needs some backup - why even mention something apparently so droll? Or is it? I mean, I'd probably bring such a thing up without being not boring, but I'm a terrible writer. You aren't. What's your excuse?
Books - Again, elaborate! The Doctor Who script bit is good, but what of the fourth and fifth? What happened? What was the dark? Was it a result of something that might have happened with the actual Guide, say, a second edition that sold horribly and had some really odd bugs, but was adapted to an entirely worst-case scenario in the novels?

  • Cultural Impact - A pity, but you seem to have mostly lost your Guide-like style by this point. At least the denial holds...
Maybe it's just me, but this last bit seems a little rushed after how the rest of it proceeded. More specifics and elaborations might help. Or something.
Concept: 5 I'm not entirely sure what you're attempting with this. If I was, I could say something more definite. I mean, obviously it regards the encyclopaedia as a whole, but the pieces could fit together better.

In the Origins section, how exactly does the thing jump from Adams' idea to being published by some off-planet company? And how did that company discover the mentioned fact? How did they build a galaxy-wide network so immediately after not even noticing the existence of the galaxy at large?

So then how does the thing go from the galactic encyclopaedia to the global scale with the merchandising mentioned in the introduction, the book itself, the sequels, the impact on this planet, and all that whatnot? Namely, why is it only global then, if the original thing wound up galactic?

Prose and formatting: 6 Aside from the organisational issues I took miff at in the previous section, the prose of this is overall pretty decent.

Not that organisation is not an issue here, because it is.

At least the rest works. Following the tone of the books is subtle enough that I didn't even notice at first, so depending on whether or not you want to do something with it, you could make it more so or just leave it, as it's a nice touch as is.

"in a parallel so blatant that it makes hanging in the sky the way bricks don't look subtle." - eh?

Images: 7 While nothing special for what they are, framecaptures and whatnot, they serve their purpose. It does strike as rather odd that they are all taken from the evidently rather bad movie that has little at all to do with the actual encyclopaedia Guide, though.

Captions fairly well make up for it, at any rate. Well done, love.

Miscellaneous: 4 Score determined by overall amount of sense to the thing. Because it needs a better connection between the galactic encyclopaedia and the earth merchandising.
Final Score: 29 This needs sense. It certainly has the making of something epic, but it's not there yet. Make it epic. You must! Please?

But really, just fill in the missing pieces, mostly.

Reviewer: ~ Lyrithya apparently got logged out and can't be bothered to log in again.
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