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- How did I miss this one? You should have already will have looked for my review yesterday this time tomorrow. WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 09:50, October 1, 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||5||I like to start off a review by |
I've read the books except for the last one, which I'm saving because it is the last. I saw the first TV programme, but not the recent movie and haven't heard the radio skits (but damn I want to). I formed an informal H2G2 club of sorts where, to become a member, you had to prove you were one of the characters. I was Ford Prefect (I proved I was an alien hitchhiking writer and I carried a towel in the boot of my car. The guy who wanted to be Zaphod had to prove he was president and had five limbs and two heads--he proved it). I played the original virtually graphic-less computer game (getting the Babel fish in your ear was said to be the single most difficult thing to figure out how to do in any computer game on the market, and I believe it. Took me a long time to figure it out, and then I unintentionally got a hint). I was one of the original editors of the H2G2 site, so I actually edited online wikis before Wikipedia existed. Enough about me.
Why is the humour score so low, when you already know I think you're a very talented writer?
Because the vast majority of it reads like a Wikipedia article. You've taken on what I think is a very difficult task of one, fixing an article that's currently badly broken, and two, doing a parody of a parody. I think you've succeeded quite well in the fixing part. Now I think you have a basis from which to build your humour.
Here's the things I did find humorous: "it has since developed...and a series of towels."; "...he was grateful that someone in the history of the human race was actually able to come up with a worthwhile idea while drunk."; "...who transmitted entries from all over the galaxy when the Guide's editors were often out to lunch breaks"; "...Magrathea, a rich planet-building planet that has been closed due to the economic recession." (I find this mildly amusing); The voice of "the Book" was conceived as a "Peter Jones-y" sort of voice...they finally zeroed in on one particular actor: Peter Jones" (this happened in America with Harrision Ford cast as Indiana Jones); "The game was famous for being as convoluted as the radio series, and, because of its difficulty, was wildly popular" (I found this amusing--and true); and I found it mildly amusing that there won't be any movie or sixth book.
I'm afraid this rest of this may not be very helpful, as it would amount to telling you how I think this should be made humorous. But when you wrote that you thought something was missing, I think this is it. It's a typical thing that's happened to me many times--you look at something so closely and for so long you see the details but not the overall picture. (I actually did this myself on my Sun Bee article, where my reviewer pointed out I didn't have a joke until the third paragraph).
But in spite of what I just said, here's just a few possible suggestions, which you can of course feel free to ignore:
H2G2 as a real (not a fictional adventure) electronic book. It actually did more-or-less become that with the H2G2 site.
H2G2 as a real encyclopedia. This is a subset of the above idea.
H2G2 as the Internet. Personally, I think the fictional book in some ways predicted the Internet, which has lots of info from lots of correspondents and which is largely inaccurate.
I'd like to see something about time travel and alternate possibilities in it (how many tenses were there, things like past-present-future perfect?) Also I really want to see "Don't Panic" somewhere in the article. I actually use that phrase to myself often in real life.
|Concept:||6||Actually, I'm not sure what the concept is here, with the exception of you bravely trying to repair a badly damaged article.|
|Prose and formatting:||7.5||This is an odd score. I think your writing is good, and would rate it higher. But I really can't separate writing style from humour.
Random note: Somehow, I never realized that Towel Day, May 25, was the day Star Wars was released (although in an earlier year), so I learned something.
|Images:||7||The images I think are fine, but I don't get the repeated "No" caption. Again, I didn't see the movie nor any TV programme other than the first, so that may be why I'm missing the joke.|
|Miscellaneous:||7||Just because I like it, just think it needs work.|
|Final Score:||32.5||Again, I don't know how helpful this review will be. The main thing is make it funnier. You've somehow made a formerly awful article fully readible. Now go for the jokes. And please let me know on my talk page if you edit this. I really do think it has a lot of potential. And as I said before, I do believe you're very talented.|
|Reviewer:||WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 20:48, October 1, 2009 (UTC)|