Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Luvvy/Gastrorgasmic Cuisine
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Still a work in progress, I'd prefer getting an in-depth review, despite the article's unfinished state. It's a collaboration between me and the ever-so-awesome Grand Uncle M, and we're looking forward to moving it to the wiki's main space some day soon. Be nice, or don't bother... Or hug me and let someone else review it. ^_^ -- DameViktoria 09:25, 30 Sep
- EDIT: The article's been moved into mainspace, but the article's still there and still in need of reviewing! -- DameViktoria 15:44, 25 Oct
|Humour:||7||Hello, Luvvy, and the oh so wonderful Mhaille, please do not use your almigty God powers to smite me. Well, this is a rather funny article, I went "ohh, that's clever" several times, smiled about seven, and laughed once or twice, but this isn't quite feature- yet. Let's look at some stuff.
I quite like the idea, taking the terms "aphrodisiac" and "food fetish" to higher levels by making the food the actual object that causes release. It is executed quite well, too. I suppose the biggest gripe I have with this is that it seems so out-of-left field. Concepts like these tend to be the best when narrated in a style that makes them sound completely normal. Then again, maybe I'm missing the point entirely by saying that. If this is supposed to be absurd, then I don't want you to change a thing about that. Besides, you kind of did this already, making the absurdity of what you were saying seem completely normal, but now I'm rambling.
And now, here's a couple miniscule things I want to point out. You say that gastrorgasmic cuisine is an underground fetish movement, but at times, especially when talking about the chefs, you sound like you're talking about an actual organized company. Although I suppose I should talk about that in P&F, it's something you should definitely change. Also, it seems a bit short. You might wanna expand it, but that's up to you, I don't know. Ha ha, I said expand.
Some of the lists and stuff seem a bit, well, listy and stuff. You may want to consider rephrasing them so they aren't in lists, or removing them altogether. And a couple of the pop culture references seem a little out of context with the article's satirical tone. Christie O'Donnell will be old news in about three weeks, so yeah.
|Concept:||8||Like I said, I love this concept. It's hilarious, albeit strange, in and of itself and when paired with an article, it gets far more fantastic. The way you portrayed "gastrorgasmic cuisine" as both a fetish and a culinary movement was interesting. That's not to say that that's a good or bad thing, but I think the point of the article was to balance the two. It's a very well written article, if you were trying to accomplish that balance, you succeeded. This could be cause of some confusion, however. You could portray it as only one of these, but that would be no fun. If you want the article to balance these two themes, then you should... Well, balance them, as it seems to be 75% fetish and 25% culinary. If you don't, then try to clear up the slight amount of confusion that could come from it.|
|Prose and formatting:||7.5||This is a very well written article, as I said before, but it has some issues. The redlinks in the lists are total eyesores, and I hate the lists anyway, so yeah, take those out. Or not. And "gastrorgasmic" was mispeld wunce. Fix it if you want to, which I'm sure you do.|
|Images:||9||I honestly have no comment, great job here. The images and their captions support the article greatly, and are verry funny yet practical, so yeah. Good job, basically.|
|Miscellaneous:||8||My overall opinion.|
|Final Score:||39.5||This article is great, and is close to feature. It just needs some minor edits, and maybe I'll nom it. Hopefully this was helpful. Now, I'm going to watch Key The Metal Idol.|
|Reviewer:||--~~First Child Rei Ayanami (give orders) 03:05, October 26, 2010 (UTC)|