Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:John Lydon/Back To The Future
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This is the first time I've ever written a review for anything anywhere, so please let me know if it has a review type feel throughout. Also be as critical as you possibly can be. I want this to be a solid entry into UnReviews. —John Lydon 17:06, August 12, 2010 (UTC)
| This Falcon will no hesitate to peck out your eyes if you review this article. That is probably because PeregrineFalcon999 has booked it. You have been warned.|
I don't know if I'll be able to get this quite in-depth, but I'll book it so no one steals it.--(CUN) 07:14, September 14, 2010 (UTC)
|Humour:||6||Hey there, John! I can’t believe I’m actually reviewing a review here, but this has been on the queue for so long it just has to go. Let’s get on with it, shall we?
This definitely has some good humor in it. Reviews are good material to get laughs from, and when you’re dealing with a crappy game like this, it is certain there is going to be some good stuff here. The repetition is good here and I chuckled a few times. So, good work overall. But… there is always room for improvement, and I can see the things that need to be improved here.
First, I’m going to go through each section in your article, as there are a few things that apply to specific sections. Let’s do it…
That was basically al the small things – bits and pieces that applied to only one section. But I have one last comment here. What I find with your article is you have detailed what happened in the game. It can definitely be funny at times, but purely because of the weirdness of the game itself, and you criticize it, in a very colloquial style of way. It’s like when you’re writing about comedy – you could just write the plot of the stories and it would be a funny article. But that’s not what Uncyclopedia articles are about. We’re here to parody things. That’s why I want you to try to add some different techniques of humor into your article – you can insult the game, add short anecdotes and interruptions… you are a good writer and I know I will not have to go into this too much for you to get the idea.
But that’s the big point to do with humor here, so try and work on that. I might have been a bit harsh with the score, but I know there is definitely a lot of room to add a lot more humor into this.
|Concept:||8||This completely wacky game is a perfect concept for a good article. Is that how the real levels actually are?
You have used this concept very well, but there are still improvements to be made, as I went into above. You will also have to work a bit on staying stuck on the review feel.
|Prose and formatting:||5.5||In one sense, you article is written very well. But you asked whether it had a review feel throughout. My answer would have to be a no. As I said in the humor section, you have basically just detailed what happened. The main parts that feel like a review, are obviously the introduction and ending. But it’s ok. It’s a pit fall that I’ve seen many reviewers fall into. Well, three actually. Including me.
So, what you’ve got to add to your story a bit. You can always add comments on how good the graphics are, how hard it is. Is it believable? Are you enjoying it? I think this is a really big thing you’ve got to concentrate on – mix in your story with comments and interruptions, make it more review type.
Now, onto formatting. A few problems here. First of all, the screen shots. You may need to help out their formatting a bit – they’re a bit muddled around, and in uneven spots. Your end title screen, ‘A John Lydon Retro Review’, also needs to be bigger.
I think on of the big problems is your links. Some paragraphs are full of links, while others have none. Try and spread them out a bit. Also, you have also missed a lot of chances to make some funny redirects. Linking ‘Gamers’ to ‘Idiots’ and so forth.
I think this section is probably your article’s weakness.
|Images:||8||The images are great – they are easily one of the best parts of the article. They fit perfectly. I’d love to see captions, but I think thumbnails wouldn’t look very good. Test it out to see what you can do with them.|
|Miscellaneous:||7.125||Averaged your scores.|
|Final Score:||34.625||I still think this needs a bit of work before it is ready for VFH and such. But if you concentrate of the improvements, and I know you can, then this will be a top notch article. I hope this has helped!|
|Reviewer:||--(CUN) 21:38, September 14, 2010 (UTC)|