Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Hyperbole/Swan song

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edit User:Hyperbole/Swan song

What do you think? Funny? Not funny? Arousing? Tinymasaru.gifpillow talk 00:17, February 24, 2011 (UTC)

Humour: 9.5 You have a great gift of making gut splitting humour seem easy and natural. Ill give a play by play of how super extra funny I find this article and then the moments I kind of went huh? It starts off with a great build up to a good laugh "this is true". Classic. Duck linguics made me lol. Making the link between boyfriend of pubesent girls clearer as boyfriend of female fans who will pay money and go to concerts to be near them, will make the paragraph funnier as it dies down in the transition towards swan death, which is where the paragraph should go anyways. The following paragraph is LOL, though Cayote seems out of place as the images of the swan are in water, perhaps an aquatic animal would be more relevant/funnier? The next paragraph is perfect and a complete deep gut LOL which I havent read in a long time. Thanks. Which was nothing compared to the next part, the intro and first song which made me laugh so hard, I havent laughed that hard since the over heating lasagna article. That being said, I think you lose yourself with the next section. While you do make it clear that the lyrics are supposed to be confusing, I think they can be confusing and funny which it doesnt seem to be. The fuck Peta comment is really out of place and I know you could find a better way to make fun of them without just saying fuck peta. The next section is really great but it feels like you are missing just one great line in the song that will make me crack open entirely.
Concept: 5.9 Not much of a concept. It needs atleast one final paragraph. You didnt get into "why of it" at all (which would take a lot of creativity to end the article with closure and do it funny), whats the point of the songs? Why do they do it? Why do they only sing when they are dying? Such a great article would be schlamalicious if it had that ending and a tiny bit more bone structure throughout the article.
Prose and formatting: 7.9 I cant find much fault in your prose, you are good.
Images: 6.9 Nice images, could there be one more? The moment of near death while singing? Theres not image of death. Could someone make of those for instance?
Miscellaneous: 9.9 I give an 9.9 causea 10 would require a completed article. But for the creativity alone it deserves a near 10 points of the misc. section.
Final Score: 40.1 This is gold, super creative, extra funny, so far rather well executed, hyper LOL moments. It needs a tiny bit more bone sturcture in it (though in my humble opinion the LOL sections are perfect) and it needs an end. Probably another image showing death of a swan. Thanks again for making me laugh so hard at genius writing that punches you from the gut up.
Reviewer: --ShabiDOO 03:10, March 1, 2011 (UTC)
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