Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Hyperbole/Japanese High Schools
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I got pretty much raped on my last pee review. Maybe this one will go more smoothly. Who knows? Well, you do. Put it into mainspace? Kill it with fire? --Hyperbole 02:25, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||9||Ahh, the joys of mocking an entire genre in one fell swoop, pulled off quite masterfully if I do say so myself. However, there is one issue I must point out right now that may very well plague this article should you go for a feature. This article makes fun of anime. I'm not sure exactly what that will mean on Uncyclopedia, but I've seen a general sentiment against anime over time. There are one or two users that I know watch it, but most of the others on this site probably wouldn't get half the jokes in the article, and probably less. In any case, this isn't an evaluation of the possible future of your article. This is a REVIEW, and that is exactly what I must do!
And the review is good! The article flows freely and has quite a bit of good satire strewn about. There were a few problem areas that I spotted, however.
The worst of these is the intro. While I suppose it gets the point across, I'm not a huge of fan of stereotyping against anybody that isn't stupid and deserves to be mocked night and day. Included in the "no no" category would be race. It's probably my personal bias, but I didn't find the jokes to be pulled off quite as well as many others later in the article had been. This is partly due to the fact that it's so early in the article, as the reader is just getting acquainted with the style of the article at that point, but the jokes are also rather stale, consisting of "asins r smrt", "asins r rly smrt", and "asins hav sml dickz lol", respectively. It also doesn't fit the theme of the rest of the article, which makes fun of the favorite form of Japanese medium and not the Japanese themselves.
Another weak point that I saw was the names of the courses. While the idea behind them was good, the names themselves simply didn't seem very professional. Knowing the unrelenting bureaucracy of the school systems, they would undoubtedly contain more poly-syllabic words and hold more "refined" titles. As I fancy myself somewhat of a seasoned user of unnecessarily over-complicated sentence structures, I will allow myself the liberty of making a few suggestions for alternative titles. "Piloting that thing that flies up to your mecha and docks with it: that's important too" could be "Your giant mecha docking pod: how to pilot it and why you will inevitably need to do so". Not really that well worded, but hey, whatever gives ideas. "Picking up the flaming sword or shooting your rocket-powered fist off: pros and cons" should probably be split into two separate course, simply because the two are barely related. Possible titles are "Should I use this super-weapon? The ins and outs of using flaming weaponry" and "Should I use my rocket-powered fists? Why getting rid of your main source of weaponry is a bad idea.". Rather long-winded but, as stated before, these are just for ideas. "Naming all your attacks and shouting their names as you perform them" is already quite good, but I think you should make some mention about how it makes them more powerful, much like you did with "Gimmickry" later in the article. BTW, that was one of my favorite parts.
Lastly, your conclusion SUCKS. Actually, that's just because you don't have one. Conclusions wrap up articles nice and tidy and let you throw in whatever punchlines you couldn't fit into the article, so they're generally well-advised. The conclusion is actually often where the biggest punchline or non-sequiter is thrown in, so you can really do whatever you want with it. Just make sure you have one.
Side note: references. Uncyclopedia rarely uses real references. Instead, we use the function to cram in more jokes. For an example, check out DrSkullthumper's expertly written Time Travel. It's really not that important a tradition to maintain, it's just what we do.
Other side note: That toilet thing was weird.
|Concept:||8||I don't know if you lucked out or if you're a genius, but normally I would give this article a much lower score. Making fun a genre is nothing new. HowTo:Live in an RPG was featured just last year, and Ljlego has a few featured articles mocking common Hollywood movie styles under his belt. The point that gives you a boost in this category is your decision to focus on the high schools from which these anime-based prodigies invariably hail from. You get points in "I really really wouldn't have thought of that", despite the fact that the overall style of the article is one that's been done before.|
|Prose and formatting:||8||There are a few awkwardly worded sentences here and there throughout the review, but I really don't want to point them out right now as this review has run over an hour already. Besides that, your spelling and grammar are almost perfect. You just get a 1-point deduction for your lack of a conclusion.|
|Images:||10||One of the best uses of images I've seen. While most articles throw their images in to add some, often incredibly funny, random jokes that wouldn't fit anywhere else, your images and their placement fit in with whatever section they happen to be located at while maintaining some (admittedly small) sense of the randomness that usually accompanies images.|
|Miscellaneous:||6||I really can't think of anything to grade as an extra as I sometimes do in the miscellaneous section, so instead I'll take my usual approach of using it to deliberately change the final score. I graded this section relatively lowly because I think I may have been somewhat too generous above. I look back over my scores and I still agree with them, but per my first paragraph I simply don't know if this will be featured or not. I certainly believe it deserves it, but I think the matter will come down to whoever votes on the article and whether they believe it should be featured. Some will probably vote against because it appeals to a niche audience, but others may vote for because (at least one member of) that same niche audience found it to be very well written. I don't know, I may also be completely wrong. For all I know all the voters will love it and it will be featured within a few days. I know little about the tendencies of VFH, but if it at all helps I'll gladly vote for if you ask me to. I won't otherwise because I'm too damn lazy to bother.|
|Final Score:||41||As I've stated before, this is a very well done article. Fix the problems mentioned in the "humor" section and I think it will be even better. Despite what I said in the "misc." section, I am optimistic about this article's future. I hope it will be featured, because it very much deserves it. Good luck.|
|Reviewer:||03:56, 7 May 2008 (UTC)|