Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Hyperbole/Dexter is my favorite show ever!!!
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Okay. I'm totally stuck. I need suggestions, ideas, and sex. Could anyone provide me with two of the three?18:29, 30 January 2009 (UTC)
- Can't quite guess which you mean, but I've happily got you covered regardless. BlueYonder - CONTACT
|Humour:||5||I’m writing this section last of all, so I’ll try not to overlap. I’ll just say that the article has its own promise and could be very funny and interesting later on, but, at the moment, just isn’t, because the things that you’ve focused on so far are uninteresting. I’m sure you’ll be fully able to flesh out the article and make it more interesting, but, y’know, you’ll have to do so. See below for a little more elaboration on how this could be done. For now, however, I’m going to have to give you a low humour score, because I’m afraid that this initial effort, so far, isn’t quite funny enough.|
|Concept:||5.7||Well, I guess the idea of the article is sound enough; a child watching and interpreting a show like Dexter. Mmmkay, fair enough, good. And what’s more, I’m fully aware that this isn’t finished, so I’ll take that into account. But I do have to say that what there is really isn’t good enough alone. See, there isn’t sufficient elaboration on things that make Dexter unique as a show. Okay, the interpretation of Dexter as a literal butcher, or that he must be a ‘nice guy’ because he’s a police cop is a fair start, but it’s too weak to be allowed to dominate the article. You’ll have to give emphasis to things unique to Dexter: the specific characters, the highly controversial nature of it...and, of course, it’d need to be relevant to the context, so you’d need to go a bit into the sort of impact the show has on this naïve kid’s life – whether it gives him nightmares, whether his parents regret, or are chastised for, letting him watch this, etc. Furthermore, it’s very unlikely that a kid would have an outlook this naïve and happy by the end of an episode of Dexter, so perhaps it would be more effective if you had the kid do a linear present-tense narration – that is, narrate the article as the episode progresses. He could wonder why that man Dexter follows everywhere is so nasty, why Dexter’s sister always uses ‘naughty words’ and compare her to his own sister, wonder why Dexter cuts up that man at the end, etc. I think it’d make it a lot more interesting.|
|Prose and formatting:||5.7||Hmmm...I guess you do a pretty good job of maintaining the tone of a little kid. Still, it's not quite as definite and well-defined as in such articles as I maed a yuky doody, and this more middle-ground nature tends to make it a little more irritating than effective. I can see you've definitely tried (I certainly wouldn't have done a much better job), but I still think the voice doesn't have as much personality as it really needs to make it truly interesting. You’ll want to tweak this a little.
I can see you've been pretty vigilant in the area of grammar, but if I were you, I’d lose the multiple exclamation marks. They don’t really do much for the tone and are rather unattractive on the whole. And as to formatting, I know the article is unfinished, but I do still have to mark it down a little; after all, at this moment, it’s little more than a block of text. I’m sure you understand.
|Images:||0||Pity about this, but I can assume you're planning to put in some images later. This article, no matter how good it is, will crash and burn without images, let me tell you. I'll just give you the obvious advice of looking for images to do with butchers, traumatized kids, serial killers and Michael C Hall.|
|Miscellaneous:||4.1||Averaged, as always.|
|Final Score:||20.5||All in all, this article certainly has promise, especially in the eyes of Dexter fans like myself, but at this moment, when it's still at its larval phase (best metaphor I could think of, sorry) it shows signs of needing some serious tweaking. Hope I helped.
Anyway, that's the suggestions. Now, if you'll move a little closer, I can provide you with that second thing...
|Reviewer:||BlueYonder - CONTACT|