Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Gladstone/UnNews:Sport: Germany vs Soviet Union
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First attempt at a news article - comments/criticism/offers of marriage welcome. --Gladstone 14:05, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
Seen as how I adopted you I probably have an obligation to look over this, I'm already doing another Pee but I'll leave my tag here for now anyway and shall be around to this shortly after doing the one I'm already doing. MuCal. BFF Sir 02:47 3 July 2008
|Humour:||4||I think you did quite a good job here. It was certainly a nice try, it’s just over all it was a bit dry. I think what you should do is maybe having have the article getting steadily more absurd. Start muddling up the different meanings of “shoots” and build it up gradually until there is artillery on the field.
I would try and avoid mentioning names like Hitler too as -- even in this context -- it feels awkward and badly placed, almost cheep. Though I do understand why it’s perfectly OK to have him there it’s a German involved war in the forties. I guess that’s an optional thing
Bear in mind this low score may have something to do with the fact I’m gay and know nothing about sport (less about football) and so may have overlooked some fantasticly funny wit.
|Concept:||7||I quite like the idea of blurring the line between sport and war I’ve not come across that before and I really think it could work if you do like the above and spruce it up with some more jokes. The thing is I’m kinda worried it may be a bit narrow. Like not too much that can be done with it and that the mixing of sport and war is the only joke. But I’m sure there could be more stuff to do I just can’t think of it cos I’m pacifist as well.|
|Prose and formatting:||7||The prose was fine, really good in fact. You kept the tone nicely. So well in fact for a while I was convinced this was an actual sport article, which is rare, if you can keep that tone when you inject some more jokes it’ll make them hit all the harder.
Also you had the article nicely linked and categorised and sourced.
|Images:||7||The image here was OK (the article only needs one image considering it’s size) it was relevant certainly. Not exceptionally funny by itself but made good by the caption.|
|Final Score:||31.25||It’s pretty good, certainly not awful but it needs a bit of work as well. Also it’s possibly much better than I thought cos football goes over my head a bit, maybe you had jokes I just didn’t get. Maybe get some one else to look this over too. If you’d like to thank/ask/insult me about anything please visit my talk page.|
|Reviewer:||MuCal. BFF Sir 19:50 6 July 2008|