Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Dbtng/Special:Random

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edit User:Dbtng/Special:Random

This is my second ever article, and my first UnNews.

I'm not sure what sort of feedback I expect. I wrote this UnNews with the intent of teasing those individuals who decided to remove the Random Article link. The joke is only going to be funny to other Uncy users, so I know my score drops quite a bit as an 'in-joke'.

I guess I'd like to know if the article is acceptable at all. Does the fact that I have a point in writing make it bad? Do you like the Travolta with bewbs pic? Is it worth completing, or will it just get huffed?

But special:random is still there. It's now "free euroipod". ~Scriptsiggy.JPGTelephonesig Star Starsig Kidneysig 05:20, Feb 28, 2010
I found that out after I first created the UnNews article. I updated the article with a Euroipod section. I didn't want to give away the joke, so all I put in this final section was the word, "Profit". I think there's still a reason to have the UnNews article, perhaps even more now that I know about the Euroipod thing. It's all so very random.--Dbtng 19:24, February 28, 2010 (UTC)


Dbtng 08:13, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

I'll review this at some random moment in the next 24 hours. WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 03:46, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
Introduction to your reviewer

I like to introduce myself to my reviewees so you'll know how unqualified I am. I was named RotM, so some people think I don't totally suck. On the other hand, some people think I do, and I honestly didn't notice that Uncyclopedia had dropped the random link function. That's too bad, as I used it a lot when I first got here. I think it would be cool to have one, so I wonder why they dropped it.

Concept: 8 I think the concept's fine; Uncyclopedians can no longer click a random link which is Big News.
Prose and Formatting: 7.5 I put Humour comments in with P & F, but do score them seperately.

I like a lot of your wording--I would score this higher based on what's here. But I do think it could be improved with just a little more, which is why I scored this a little lower than I would have otherwise. And do have a few other suggestions.

Your Intro

I don't really get the IRL, Online part--is this IRL or Oline? I imagine this was done as a joke, but I'm not getting the punchline. Also a word appears to be missing "Uncyclopedians everywhere mourn (the) untimely death...."
"Other than that, I really like your wording. "cruel fate ripped", "sad turn of events" are standard, almost cliche', but I think work in this context. I like "blankly click" and "Now they will have to search and claw their way through the reams of bullshit that comprise the site." I've said myself many times that most of Unc is crap--fortunately, there's some diamonds in the dung.
I also like the twist in logic--blankly clicking a random link somehow gets you to treasured articles, while just looking around will find you bullshit.

Carrying on

I think this section works too, although I have a question: did the old function not require using a mouse? Again, I honestly don't know.

Euroipod

This section I didn't get. Does this link fit the idea of random links? If so, I think it should be clear before the reader even clicks. I believe the joke should be in the article and not in a link. And if there is a joke here, I apparently missed it. If there was someway this could obviously be made random, I think it might work--but you already have that above.

Sources

These I think are fine.

Categories

Special:Random doesn't exist so I'd recommend cutting it.

The main thing I'd like to see, in addition to what I mentioned about Euroipod, is more. I don't think this article needs to be much longer, but a bit more might be good. Maybe some comments from some imaginary uncyclopedians (or real ones, for that matter). I don't mean quotes at the beginning, but in the article like the people are being interviewed.

Also this being insidey might lessen a chance of it getting featured, but I don't think it takes away from the article itself.

Humo(u)r: 7.5 See my comments above. I'd like a bit more humour.
Images: 5 Sorry but I don't care for the image or the caption. To me, it doesn't really seem to fit. Maybe a picture that shows something that really is random, like dice. A funny picture of dice might be even better.
Miscellaneous: 7 Average of above.
Final Score: 35 I think you have the beginning of a fine article. I'd like to see it expanded just a little, and a different image used. Good start!
Reviewer: WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 02:23, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
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