Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Clensedsource/HowTo:Destroy the Earth

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edit User:Clensedsource/HowTo:Destroy the Earth

Clensedsource 11:38, 8 June 2009 (UTC)

There's no need to paste the entire article onto your review; a link is good enough. Saberwolf116 13:58, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
Humour: 5 OK, so this article was fair. There were some points where I did laugh, which is good. I hope that with some advice, you can make this a better article. Anyway, practice makes perfect, so soon I'm sure you'll be writing great articles. I'll break this down section by section, to make it easier.
  • Introduction-Alright. You introduced the HowTo nicely, but it wasn't particularly funny. I did like the part about God, but how about "He spent a whole 6 days creating this place, so he isn't likely to want to help you. I mean, He wouldn't want to have wasted nearly a week, now, would He?" This is a suggestion, btw. Everything I say is a suggestion, so do with your article what you want.
  • Why?-Fair. What was there was fairly funny, (I laughed at numbers 2 and 3), but it needed something more at the beginning to explain. Along the lines of: "Deciding to destroy the Earth is a pretty big decision. You can't take it easily, as it will affect, er, everyone. Listed below are a few reasons you may want to destroy the Earth". Otherwise it is just a list, with no explanation.
  • Plan 1-Needs improving. An easy way is to run for the President of the USA? This needs something after it, eg. "If Obama can do it, anyone can." Also, how do I become the President? Perhaps a joke about simple vote-rigging systems, available very cheaply from all Wal-Mart stores. The main trouble, anyway, with this section, was that it wasn't that funny.
  • Plan 2-Good. I liked this section. =) The opening sentence and the caffeinated kindergartener were good. (Note: spell caffeinated with an e, and change kindergartener to toddler, to make sure even us Brits understand it). It doesn't quite flow properly at the end.
  • Plan kill everyone but don't destroy the Earth!-Alright. This definitely read well, like a HowTo article should. =) There were some problems, though. The Oxyclean reference I just didn't get. Remove it, please. And spell check. To make it funnier, you could add something about Venus's C02, eg "They got plenty of it (the greedy bastards)". OK, that's crap. I'm not funny.
  • Plan Fun -Alright. I really think this a good start to a section, but it needs more. Perhaps in your first sentence, talk about how constructing the Death Star is easy, and you know that there's a kit from Ikea somewhere, or you know a guy who knows a guy who's selling them cheap. Then talk about the difficult bit, firing the laser. When talking about throwing the bits of rock around, perhaps score points for how far you throw it. 50 points past Saturn etc.
Concept: 5 The concept is fairly simple, but at least you have one - various methods of how to destroy the Earth. It would have been nice to have been specifically about one person or something (i.e. various methods of how to destroy the Earth using only a paperclip, some antimatter and a buffalo costume), but don't worry now you've got this far. In truth, I don't really get scoring for concept, so I've just given you half marks.
Prose and formatting: 4 Generally pretty decent prose and formatting, for a first article. (This is your first article, right?). Here are some tips:
  1. Get rid of that red link.
  2. Instead of the current numbered list under why, use a # at the beginning of each point to create a professional numbered list, like you see here.
  3. There are some spelling mistakes. I might go through and change them after I have done this, because I am feeling nice.
  4. It's good to see you have included headings, but how about numbering them all, or naming them all (or both). So Plan Fun would become either "Plan 4". or "Plan 4: The Fun Plan". I would also recommend you move the third plan to the end, because it is not a "destroy the Earth" plan, but a "destroy humanity".
Images: 3 OK, so you've got 2 images here. They are both decent images, but they need some work. I would recommend you give them a caption and align them right, like they do on Wikipedia, you can find out how to do this on the Help pages. Aligning them correctly would make the article look a lot better. As it is, this article is very short, so only needs two images, but another one (preferably at the very beginning) would be a bonus if there was one.
Miscellaneous: 5 Mumble gumble miscellaneous rumble. Once this has been improved, you can move it to mainspace, and then you can add the HowTo template.
Final Score: 22 OK, so the score might be pretty low, but don't worry. Make some of the improvements I suggested, maybe ask for help from other users on their talk pages if you're still unsure. Once it is improved, put it back on Pee Review, and if you do well, ask to move it to mainspace. You can write well, so keep at it, and it will be a good article. =)
Reviewer: Nameable ((mumble?)) • 12:10, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
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