Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Bobofosho2/Ventura, CA

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edit user:bobofosho2/Ventura, CA

I created this article like a film noir dectective movie. Cheers and thanks-Bobofosho2 02:21, 9 July 2008 (UTC) Bobofosho2 02:21, 9 July 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 1 I didn’t find anything humorous about this article - At all.
  • Rough Beginnings A lot of stuff in the paragraph was just totally irrelevant, I think. Maybe that was to make it more funny….or maybe you just threw irrelevant information into this paragraph. Either way, didn’t make me laugh. Also - wtf is a ‘moob.’ Don’t ever use that word again.
  • The Tourists Wait, wait, wait - why do we have tourists in swimsuits and SUV’s. How did we even get from your life to tourists? The description was revolting, and not in the funny way. I’m not sure where you were going with this section, but I don’t think you got there.
  • My City Cries but I Don’t Hold it! What are you even talking about?! Tourists then this?! Good Lord….*grumble grumble* I really don’t understand this section or what it’s doing here at all. Maybe you’re pledging your hate for your once lost city. I don’t really care. It’s not funny at all, and I feel like you’re ranting about a point that’s been dead for a while.
  • Lions, Tigers, and 7th grade Sex Ed., oh my! I might be getting the idea now. This article is about your sorry, sorry life. Sadly, I must inform you this section was nothing short of terrible. I’m not even going to field this.
  • Growing Up, the fast way This was the best paragraph, and I say that only because it was the last. There were some weird topic transitions in here….from middle school to hentai? What? Not funny. Not funny at all.
Concept: 0 The idea sucked. I think you might be better applying your time elsewhere, the concept isn’t funny to begin with.
Prose and formatting: 3 Your main issue might be the parentheses. You need less of them. Also, run-on sentences are a no-no. There’s this rule that basically says ‘all or nothing’ in reference to capitalization. There are some words, we don’t capitalize in headers…Like ‘the’ for example. But mostly, if you’re going to make some things all caps, you’ve gotta do it with everything else, too.

As for formatting, you’re having issues with ugly text. I’m seeing a lot of blocks of text that are aren’t very nice looking. So you might want to fix that to make it easier on the eyes.

Images: 2 I have this distant feeling you tried to find relevant pictures. These ones, however, were not it. I think I see some semblance of hiding relevance somewhere…If only they were funny, though. All in all, I think you need some pictures that make a bit of sense with article, and have some humor value.
Miscellaneous: 1.5 This is an average of your other scores, basically.
Final Score: 7.5 Sorry to say this, but I feel like this article is a waste. Something that will be deleted in a few days. It might be worth your while to apply your time to a different concept, with hopefully better results. Good luck.
Reviewer: Love, Sig 

I gotta say, I didn't think this was so bad. It's an interesting way to approach a town article, and the style alone makes me chuckle a bit. OK, so it does feel random here and there, but this is a massive improvement on your previous stuff, Bobofosho, and a real step in the right direction. Reviews are a matter of opinion, of course, but I'd have scored this significantly higher - you might want to get a second opinion there. --UU - natter UU Manhole 09:32, Jul 17

Agreed. It's an interesting and unique take on a town article. My first suggestion would be to put in a bit of film noir lingo, "dames" and "joes", that sort of thing. The pics aren't that great and the captions that go along with them don't help at all. Other than that, just polish it up a bit and I think it's mainspacable (is that a word?). -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us CUN17:17, 17 Jul
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