Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:☯/You're Gay?!?!

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edit User:☯/You're Gay?!?!

This is my first article, which I based off of the existing You're Gay?!?! article. It's kind of an overhaul rewrite. If anyone wants to help out/co-adopt this article, that'd be super. Aaaaand...critique. 17:44, 3 April 2008 (UTC)

Maybe it should be called You're Gay?!?!/So What? or something. I'll help if you want me to. That might not be a good idea, though. Tkotse 17:58, 3 April 2008 (UTC)

Nopee PrIP'd!
Pee Review In Progress
Checkit bitches, this review is as good as peed on. I'm marking my effing territory. Said article is being reviewed by:
~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF 

Humour: 8 Wow. I mean, wow. You, my friend, have got some talent. Please tell me you're planning on sticking around. Let's zero in on some of these jokes first. The first part is very much in the spirit of the first article, which I don't remember getting a very good score. However your presentation in this format makes it somewhat more acceptable. The second section is where things start to get good. I liked the first line of the section, "First off, I'd like to state that God is all-forgiving, and infinite in his love and benevolence. However, that does not make your life choice acceptable in his eyes." Great spin there, Also, you sure can dig up some good rewrite candidates. I might rewrite that one. Anyways, the humor is pretty strong overall. None of it is really laugh-out-loud funny, but it's certainly above average. A great improvement in that department.
Concept: 8 This is where I'm really impressed. I would have called the existing article a completely dead idea. I wouldn't dare rewrite it because I know I wouldn't be able to come up with anything good. But you completely spun this article from being just some homophobe noob's attempt at writing to actual satire. Great job. Dividing your article into three sections and providing three equally funny takes on the same situation really helps to build an air of satire. And whether you intended this or not, the order of these three sections also plays up the humor value. Ending the way you did made for a strong finish, however I'm not saying I'm happy with the actual ending itself. I would go ahead and come up with a better one, it seems a little on the obvious side. I'm looking for something a bit more original. But other than that, you're pretty much golden.
Prose and formatting: 9 The tone is very appropriate. Assuming these three personalities may not be as hard as writing in a didactic tone, which is what most articles in this site should be written in, however it's still good practice for the many styles you will encounter on Uncyclopedia. While first person is nothing new here, it's still a well respected style. I always enjoy them when done correctly, and you've certainly got this down. I count very few grammar errors; rethink some of your capitalization choices right after a header. Other than that, I think you're good here.
Images: 7 Good image choices. I wouldn't say that any of them really add to the article other than the fat guy. Great example of how not all homophobes are necessarily attractive to gays. Once again, I appreciate your two-way humor: making jokes about both gays and homophobes.
Miscellaneous: 8 Avg'd.
Final Score: 40 What a solid rewrite. I have to say, I'm pretty impressed. Either you've been lurking around here for a WHILE or you just knocked your first article right out of the park. I think we can expect some great things from you. This article is witty, clever, well written. Now I still wouldn't VFH this quite yet, because I have no idea how this will be received under its current title. But it's a great show of your writing skills. I'd love to see what original pieces you come up with, although anyone who's willing to rewrite crappy articles is more than encouraged to do so. Great job.
Reviewer: ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 23:38 Apr 3
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