Another satisfying bit of crazy from yours truly. --THINKER 21:17, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
Work some of the details a bit more. In the intro, give more apartment details, things that give even a better idea of the couple's personality. There's lots of humour potential in these details, and you can set it up stronger. I liked all the subtleties in the next sections, but I think you got to swearing/over-reacting too quickly. You could have a lot more about the grandmother with growing tension, but not being explicit until quite close to the end. Otherwise we get the joke too soon, and there's nowhere left to go with it. Also, try to come up with something more original than the "over-reacting" bit (the joke's been done many times before). The moral should relate closer to the coaster idea than moving in.
A good idea. You use the Barry Manilow/grandmother ideas to good effect. The humour is in the way you build up the story, which is why the pacing of the build-up is so crucial.
Prose and formatting:
Generally well-formatted, but too dense in italics/bold, etc. Rely more on the writing and less on the font. If you add more details and use the large fonts sparingly, I think you'll have a better effect.
The grandmother is particularly good.
I never know what to say here, so I just repeat the humour score.