Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Unununium

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edit Unununium

A rewrite save from VFD, I likey! Spike made some good additions. Unununium, it tastes good! (as always, no hurry, a 25-27 1/2 hour turnover not needed. Thanks very much,

Aleister in Chains

This ones mine--Grue JammyDirectorEye 4WILLExplode 3YOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 02:18, March 18, 2010 (UTC)
Read it, but I'm very tired tonight, will get to it tomarrow--Grue JammyDirectorEye 4WILLExplode 3YOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 03:01, March 18, 2010 (UTC)
Thanks for taking it. And no hurry. Got to sleep sometime! Al de'chain 2 minutes later
Its nearly finish, but I had too much to do toady so expect it to be ready by tommarrow--Grue JammyDirectorEye 4WILLExplode 3YOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 04:48, March 19, 2010 (UTC)
I like to write a lot of things, I’m pretty good at Pee Reviews, and the only award I had even gotten was a Author of the Month Award. Also I like Avenged Sevenfold, Modern Warfare 2, Halo 3, and brunettes and emo girls.
Concept: 7 I think the concept is fine because I do not know what Unununium is useful for. I mean its in the part of the periodic table that not much people care for. Anyway even to its good, I think you should change the tone of the article. What I’m saying is that I think you should make it like a chemist or any other scientist would make it, and make it more professional. Also some parts are wrong, as Unununium is 111 on the periodic table, as well the founder of it is incorrect, and some of the scientific data in the data table is wrong. Even though you weren’t serious, I think you at least make it somewhat real, as it says in HTBFANJS, it states, ‘’the truth is usually funnier than nonsense. The funniest pages are those closest to the truth.’’ You don’t have to include every single detail, but at least some so the reader doesn’t think that you just randomly made this with no effort.
Prose and Formatting: 8 No spelling, grammar, or prose errors, but the tone is what I have problem with the tone. Like I said above, the tone should be that of a scientist, stating facts like a scientist, but with humor like a Uncyclopedian. Or maybe a tone of a student doing a report on the special element. It would be funnier like that, but this is up to you. You should also add its half-life in it, but don’t add too much math to the point that this looks like a Wikipedia article (and the fact that I suck at math and will shoot you a old lady if you do)
Humo(u)r: 6 The first thing I like to point out is that some parts of this article seem a bit unprofessional. For example the sentence, ‘’ Tesla let out a whoop and a holler, got roaring drunk, turned cartwheels, celebrated the night away’’ seem very little professional, and people would probably would not take your article seriously. The sentence about how the element got its name seems stupid as well; try to think of something else on how it got its name.

Second, I really like the chemist portion of the article as it is actually true about their strange since of humor. I think you can expand this type of joke all over the article, without overdoing it. And Bill Gates and such people like that are used way too much nowadays, so choose some other people to take those roles. The message on the bottom could be of humorous value, but you didn’t do it right. It would be great if it was a message sent from the future that was later deciphered by scientists. And after the message you can say that the message is discarded as rubbish. Whatever you like it to be, do it like I showed you. I’ve also learned of the elements new name called Roentgenium, so you can make humor on how its name is difficult to say, as well as the fact that it was founded by Germans you can say something like the Germans finally redeemed themselves.

Images: 7 there were two. I think the scientist one is good, but the burning cross one just doesn’t fit in and just seems random and stupid, I’d get rid of it. It would be great if you added the image of the element, or if you can’t find one find something to be called Unununium with a funny caption, as well as a image of a periodic table with the location of the element would be cool as well
Miscellaneous: 7 My overall grade of this article
Final Score: 35 Since this was from VFD, I bet it was a piece of shit before you fixed it up. It still has its cons, but using the helpful advice I gave you I’m sure you can make this into something worth reading. If you have any questions and/or comments, just go to my talk page. Good Luck! Cheers!
Reviewer: --Grue JammyDirectorEye 4WILLExplode 3YOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 04:20, March 20, 2010 (UTC)
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