Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/United Arab Emirates

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edit United Arab Emirates

I JUST EDITED LOLOLOLOLOLO--Dah Dope Boyz' 00:08, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

Specially someone who knows what this article really was, since THIS ARTICLE WAS REEEEEEEEALLLYYY TRASH. I THINK IVE MADE IT BETTER! Dont you think?--Dah Dope Boyz' 00:19, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

I'm think I'l review this. 24 hours or less. --M'su Carencro - Talk - Contributions - Blag 04:57, March 15, 2010 (UTC)
That was a great review MsuCarencro, thanks for the review from your heart. --Dah Dope Boyz' 18:31, March 15, 2010 (UTC)
Humour: 4 The purpose of this pee review is to help you improve this article, not to demean your writing skills (or something), so please don't get angry if I give you a low score on humor; it's for your own good. Really. There aren't many jokes in this article, only random facts sprinkled about in each paragraph, and when there is a joke, it isn't really funny, and it's executed poorly. Though I can see that there are parts in the article when you try to satirize the UAE's over expensive projects, or the large amounts of tourists, or etc., these parts or boggled with random facts interjected and other failed attempts at humor (yes I just said that; Sorry). The major problem with the humor is the lack of consistent tone, and the lack of something to make fun of. Articles satirizing something (such as a person or a place),in my humble opinion, have to center on at least one major theme or thing to satirize (like a certain boy band's lack of musical talent). You could have focused more on the UAE's extravagantly retarded tourist trap projects (which, to be fair, you kinda did), but, your ideas were all over the place, and you couldn't "reap the funny", as they say in my fictional island nation. You also had to much ideas to juggle.
Concept: 5 The UAE is ripe for parody, and I salute you in your fine choice of article picking. But unfortunately, you didn't completely flesh out the idea, which led to a less than favorable crop. I should probably stop with the farming analogies. Your concept is strong, and I think you know what ideas you need to grow on, its just that you don't really know how to grow them.
Prose and formatting: 3 This is the main weak spot in this article. There are several grammatical errors in your article ("Although generally hot and dry, there are four seasons exist" and "Not to mention the very sweet traffic were 5000 cars are required to pass-" just two errors). The sentences are sometimes awkward and run-on for a while. The appearance of the article is at best, mediocre, and the point of view of the article goes up and down wildly. One section you think the country is okay and the next you treat it like a poo lit surprise on your doorstep. Remember, when making a sentence, please read it to yourself.
Images: 6 The images are okay, and the captions were actually kinda funny. You should improve on this by maybe adding more images?
Miscellaneous: 4.25 All the scores averaged together.
Final Score: 22.25 First, you should focus your article on a few major themes to satirize on. You had too many ideas going on, and you couldn't juggle them all properly. You should fix the grammatical errors, improve on the good things you had in the article (the images, the satirizing UAE's culture, etc.) and put on some elbow grease. If you want this article in tip-top shape, you would better be willing to devote some time, KID! Unless of course you have stuff to do. Please read HTBFANJS; I read it, and it was a big help. This is my first review, so I haven't refined my reviewing skills yet.
Reviewer: --M'su Carencro - Talk - Contributions - Blag 05:47, March 15, 2010 (UTC) Feel free to send me death threats and pizza to my talk page.
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