Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Uncyclopedia Defence Squadron
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Hi there, I've been around for a few months, but haven't done much writing, just cleaned up vandalism n shit. This article is something I just whipped up in about 5 minutes, so I know its crap, but would like to improve it as much as possible. Thanks in advance, Fahrenheit 20:09, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
Fahrenheit 20:09, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
- In defense of Uncyclopedia, I feel obligated to review this. Look for my review within the obligatory 24 hours. WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 21:32, October 1, 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||6||I like to start reviews by stating my qualifications so you get an idea who you're being reviewed by. Obviously, I knew nothing about the Uncyclopedia Defense Squadron until I read this, so I have no qualifications in that way whatsoever. As for general qualifications, I was just named Noob of the Month and one of my Pee Reviews got a Golden Shower Award from a Reviewer of the Month. So I'm qualified and completely unqualified. Does that help?
I'm putting most of my humour comments in the Prose and Formatting section because I think that will bring out the genuine humour this article has--if you reword it to bring it out. There's some very good stuff buried in this article. You said you wrote it very quickly, and for a quick write this is very good. I just think it's time for serious rewriting to make it seriously funny (does that make sense?)
|Concept:||8||I almost want to give this concept a 9. The concept of the title alone I loved. I do think you could have developed it more, as I talk about in other sections. And Uncyclopedia saving Earth is so ridiculous and yet seems so serious. (It is ridiculous, right? I mean, we aren't really responsible for saving the world, are we?) I'd like to see this developed more--will be be armed with an arsenal of the latests computers, wear vests filled with pockets full of flash drives? Those examples aren't necessarily very funny, but expansion on the concept would be great.|
|Prose and formatting:||6||This is really a mix of a higher score (8) and a lower score (4). The parts about defending the world and the evil plot I generally liked. But Uncyclopedia is so full of jokes about homosexuality and it's so overdone even outside of Unc that it takes a very rare treatment that demands homo jokes for me to find them funny.
I'm not quite sure which way you want to go with this--there's the deadly serious (like the first sentence) and then the overly dramatic (lots of explanation points). Either one can work just fine, but I don't know how well they mix together here. Personally, for this article I would prefer the deadly serious.
I've divided my comments into paragraphs that correspond to the paragraphs in your article.
Also this is a formatting issue, but you don't generally sign articles here.
|Images:||0||Sorry, but I have to give you a zero because there ain't no pic. It's the rules, you know, and us Uncyclopedians are sticklers for following rules.|
|Miscellaneous:||6||General impression (not counting the lack of a pic, which of course you can add).|
|Final Score:||26||I think you have here what I would expect from a talented writer who quickly whips something out--a (censored) no I mean the germ of an idea and the root of a very funny article (although I'm sure it took you more than a literal five minutes). I really would like to see this developed--please post a not on my talk page if you do.|
|Reviewer:||WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 22:24, October 1, 2009 (UTC)|