Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Uncle John's Fetus Burgers and Abortion Clinic
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Was originally my Turkey Day entry. Turned out better than I planned, so figured I might as well drop it off here. One thing that was mentioned to me was the 3rd picture, if that makes a difference. - ho scopato tua madre nel culo - 04:20,19December,2010
|Humour:||9||Oh man, this is funny shit! There's not much you could do to make this better (because it's so good). There are a couple things, but even those are small things. So anyway, let's get down to business!
First off, what's with all the sexual links? Like when you said "These are the real and juicy ones" and you linked it to sexual innuendo. Or when you said "We carefully tug on the little fella until he pops out" and you linked it to masturbation. Not that it's not funny or anything, it's just in the context it feels a bit random and irrelevant.
Another thing is at one point you use the ™ thing after the names of some of the burgers. But in the beginning you say "welcome to Uncle John's Fetus Burger's and Abortion Clinic!" I just thought (to be consistent) you could make it welcome to Uncle John's Fetus Burger's and Abortion Clinic™! But that one's pretty small. So ya.
And lastly, that last section ("So what are you waiting for?") is a bit short. But you probably already know that. Also that last "Whaddaya say?" didn't fell like an ending. It felt abrupt. Infact that whole section felt rushed.
So anyway, that's it for the humor section. On to the next one!
|Concept:||8||Well it's good. Not great, but it's still pretty good. it does however makes for a great article!|
|Prose and formatting:||9||I gave this a nine because I suck at spelling, grammar, and the such. But I figured it couldn't have been perfect, so I gave it a nine. But it looked fine to me. It seemed to flow fine, and the sections were in a good order in my opinion. So ya...|
|Images:||8||Well they were fine. A bit safe though, an the captions weren't amazingly funny. Except for the last one, which was my favorite joke of the whole article. Of corse, as for the others, I don't know what else you would've used. So ya... (Which is incidentally how the concept section ended!)|
|Miscellaneous:||8.5||That's your score averaged over there. Anyway, I just thought that somewhere in there you should mention a two-for-one discount. Ya know, like if you have twins, and you get one aborted, you get the second one free.|
|Final Score:||42.5||So anyway, this article is great. I love everything about it. And I couldn't imagine anyone not liking it. So... ya, good job.
after you're done editing it, you should put it up for VFH.