Best not to expect much depth from this one Iwillkillyou. UnTunes are by far the hardest things to review and that may well be the reason nobody has done this one yet. I'm sure it will be done relatively soon, but just bear in mind that you shouldn't expect a huge amount from the review when it is done. --ChiefjusticeDS 18:37, March 28, 2010 (UTC)
Ok, I'm gonna put my head out and offer to review this, even though I've never heard any song of Cannibal Corpse or the song you're parodying, just because it's been here so long. But first, I'd like you to put up some songs I'll have to read up/listen to to better understand this. Also please note that it probably won't be in-depth. ~ 13:35, Apr 3, 2010
If anyone else wants to review this while I'm waiting, they can. ~ 03:47, Apr 4, 2010
The lack of audio is, of course, a big problem. I can't suggest anything in that department because I'm a tech retard myself. But I laughed twice just reading the lyrics, one on "Makes me kill everything in sight", and also on "I can hold 600 corpses up high". Note that these are probably the most graphic things in your song, which, being a cannibal corpse parody, is not that good. As you know, I tend to like things to be a bit over the top. I'm already imagining Joe Jonas's voice singing about fucking dead virgins in between verses of innocent teenage love. That would be pretty funny. Since I laughed twice, I won't suggest changing the lyrics, but you can if you want. (I remember someone saying that this could be an actual CC song, but imo, this is too tame to be an actual CC song) However, the audio would definitely help.
Again, the idea is quite good, and it puts a smile on my face. It didn't initially, though. This is one of the things that I had to think about it for a while. I think juxtaposing JB with CC is a really good idea, and in my opinion, it would be better if you sharpen the contrast between verses that are JB and verses that are CC. This way, I think, it would be immediately obvious to the reader/listener what you're satirising.
Prose and formatting:
So, I have a new system for prose. It's to take 0.5 marks off for each mistake. So that's why you have 9. Since this is not that long and most of it is just repeats, there's not much proofreading to do, anyway.
it stop(s) when it(')s stabbed
There(')s gotta be a million
I laughed out loud at that "help the children" thing, but I think it's too small. You can't see the band members clearly.
Since nobody is reviewing this, you're stuck with me. You know where to find me if you need anything.