Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnScripts:steal Bank Customer Service training video (second time)
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I changed the above line... teeheehee. Pup t 02:15, 8/10/2009
- Bad puppy. BAD! /me taps your nose/ always leave a link. It's helpful for new users, you big austraillian cock. 04:58 9 October 2009
- I plan to return your stolen video within 24 hours. WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 06:09, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
|Concept, which must be|
the basis of your article
if I'm using this template:
|8||Intro to me I usually introduce myself first, but you know me and I don't have any particular expertise on training videos. I will let you know I get somewhat nitpicky in my reviews, which I like to think helps the reviewee. Also I'm trying out Boomer's template for the first time, but thought you wouldn't mind as you're the one who told me about it. But it does mean those comments to the left of the scores are Boomer's, not mine.
I think you have a clear concept of what you're doing here, and think you develop it well.
|Humor, without a second u,|
because I'm American:
|7||I'm putting Prose and Formatting here too, because I have a hard time separating them from Humour. But I do score them individually.
Lending Application SETTING--again, like note to Norma.
Footnotes--I like these, especially what steal stands for (sounds official), and I really like the beginning of footnote 5 where Global Financial Crisis is a trademark--I rarely laugh out loud when I'm reviewing, but I did on this one. "These are to
|Your spelling and grammar,|
which probably sucks:
|8||See comments in Humour Section. (This score assumed you'll make grammar and spelling corrections).|
|Images, or lack of:||6||I think the pics are fine for the article, but that you have more than you need for your characters. I think finding "fantastic" pics for people who are talking in an office likely wouldn't work. I do have a couple suggestions, though--I pictured the narrator as the woman applying for the loan because I didn't see the actress for Candy until she was almost finished. I really think you could skip the photo for the narrator--most of the time we don't see them anyway. And really I don't think you need the office photo either--we know what an office looks like, and most readers will notice the man sitting in the chair more than they'll notice the chair.
What I think is most important is that we get a picture of our bank manager and loan applicant right away, before we start picturing them as looking like something different (notice in novels and stories the physical description generally comes very early.) The "Absolutely perfect for the role" photo--perfect for what? Who is this? I realize fewer pics will mean lots of text without pics, so you might want to figure out some kind of filler. Maybe a huge bank building, a pile of money, a loan application, or the home the couple wants to buy. Whatever it is I'd like to be able to picture the applicant and manager when I first hear them speak, meaning having these photos at the beginning.
|Miscellaneous, not averaged,|
despite what some would
have you believe:
|8||General impression of article.|
|Final Score, totaled, as most|
would have you believe:
|37||I liked this. Please let me know on my talk page if you edit it.|
|Me:||WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 02:17, October 13, 2009 (UTC)|
As per request, additional notes (these based on revised version at http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/index.php?title=UnScripts:steal_Bank_Customer_Service_training_video&oldid=4168313}
I like the pictures much better, although Greg and Candy could be a little bit bigger and I think I'd like captions. I'm glad you took out the permanent paralysis. The chart works well, although if someone clicks on it they'll see that the heading doesn't fit the article, but that's a minor point (and I could change it for you if you have an idea for a different heading).
"In the modern and bustling corporate environment, staff (members)
has have very little time to sit through long training sessions and practise role-plays. (And unfortunately,) we also have very little time to train a cadre of highly skilled and motivational trainers."
I kind of miss the part where Greg starts out hostile and the narrator says that's not the way to do it.
Narrator: This isn't really necessary, but to make sure the lazy reader realizes that it's the narrator and not the other actors speaking, you could put the narrator's speeches in italics.
Greg: Okay, and do you have anything saved towards buying a home at the moment (needs ?)
Narrator: ...This means when he finally does ask about money here, it feels like a natural conversation and Candy
would (will) be happy to answer honestly.
Now That means that he is an apprentice, and as such will be being paid next to nothing....while he is off working his butt off
Candy: (slurring words) My back is killing me- (I think showing a slight slurring here might be OK, something like "My bl-back is klilling me)