Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnScripts: Timmy the Wank Engine "Timmy Gets Raped"

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edit UnScripts: Timmy the Wank Engine "Timmy Gets Raped"

If you find a problem, Fix It on my page. -Thomasfan666 Clay men are just like slugs-they have no basis in reality 23:09, 18 July 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 1 There's just nothing funny in here, and what makes it worse it is just offensive. articles about any children's toys getting raped fall well short of funny. It falls well into the realms of stupid and offensive, and it actually angered me to read this.

I'm going to sound like a broken record, but read HTBFANJS or even User talk:PuppyOnTheRadio/Pox as that was written for your benefit as well.

Concept: 1 Again, nothing funny about the concept. Thomas is a character that is well and truly there to be ridiculed, there's absolutely no doubt in my mind about that. (In fact we've both done stuff about Thomas the Tank Engine before.) But the problem here is that there is nothing inherently funny here. In order to do this you need to do one of two things:

1) Juxtapose it against something else. It could be that you use the Thomas and friends characters in the equivalent of friends, or you throw Thomas into an episode of friends. You could throw it into a parallel with World politics. Thomas refusing to work as he hates what he does to the ozone layer, etc.

2) Create a caricature. In this way to take the minor foibles and the cliches in the Thomas the Tank Engine series and expand on them. The Fat Controller becoming the Obese controller is a start, but his attitude throughout the series is one of a dictator. Can you expand on that? Thomas is always doubting himself, can that make him a Woody Allen type neurotic?

Prose and formatting: 3 Spelling mistakes throughout. No proof-reading or spell checking done. Poorly formatted. Template used badly.
Images: 1 There are no images, and this is a script that is based upon a hugely visual medium. It need more images. There are a few images that are available of Thomas that are CCA or the equivalent.
Miscellaneous: 1 This is terrible. I've tagged it on ICU and somebody else has put it onto QVFD. And what makes me really frustrated is that you have the capacity to do some good stuff, but you're destroying any chance of having anything that you publish on here remain on here for any length of time because you simply don't try to be good, but instead fall into the realms of stupid
Final Score: 7 Take it off the Main space, put it back as a user page, and either scrap it completely or rewrite it. But any article that involves Thomas getting raped - five will get you ten that it's going to disappear fairly sharpish.

Oh, and you knew that you were going to get a terrible review for this before you put it up for PEEreview, and you also know I am happy to give you feedback at any time on your work. Next time don't waste your time and mine by doing this kind of stunt, along with the blanking of numerous pages, or putting things out into the main space that are asking for an ICU like this, or like UnBooks:Thomas comes to breakfast for that matter.

Reviewer: Pup t 01:55, 19/07/2009
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