Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnScripts:Winnegan's Fake

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edit UnScripts:Winnegan's Fake

I'd be grateful for your thoughts on this short play I penned --Knucmo2 14:18, 29 April 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 9 I do not know where you got this article idea from, but the presentation in the article and the unexpected twist from the opening (Man upset at other guy shagging his mom) coming out to be God talking to Jesus made a nice heaping of sense. I was interested in how you provided interactions with the other deities of major world religions, and the addition of Mohammed in a sex position, however unexpected, gave me a heavy something to laugh out loud over. The Shiva-God-Jesus conversation was the most well written part of the entire play, so far as I am concerned, painting the picture of a humourous, interactive God (Although it does seem a bit contrary to Jesus saying earlier “that's your problem sometimes Dad, you take things too literally.” But I do think that the God of the multiverse would be a bit flexible and friendly so… meh.
Concept: 9 Almost every religion article I have seen absolutely rips apart the specific faith that is being discussed, but, even though there was satire and sarcasm in this article, it, frankly, did not come out at all as deliberately offensive. I am curious as to where you got the name “Winnegan's Fake” from, it is a very interesting name, definitely one I would not have thought of… hmm, this needs a 9 as the score.
Prose and formatting: 9.5 I was THIS close to giving a 10 in this category, and would have done so, if there were not a few typo’s in this article. The ones I found are as follows:
  • Paedophile should be Pedophile
  • In leiu of “Worldround” I would daresay “worldwide” would suffice
  • ”Mingers” is a word I am unfamiliar with, but it seems somewhat out of place
  • ”Frisbee” is capitilised, owing to the fact it is a trademarked product
  • ”Godfearing” to “God-fearing”
  • ”Payrise” is not one word, it’s two (Pay raise)
  • In every instance, “Thats” needs to become “That’s”

Fix those errors (Which seems very easy to me) and I would willingly give a 10 to this article. Also, in case I missed a couple, you might want to ask Here for a quick checkup. Up and at em!

Images: 8 I generally have come to associate Plays with more text then pictures, and I am glad to see that particular tradition was held up to.

The first image threw me off a bit, as I quickly ran down the article to see what images were in it. I did not expect crayons would somehow have much to do with a man having sex with his wife, but then again, did I really know what to expect from this article?

The second picture, the one of the man praying, was the, by far, the funniest picture in this entire article, I can not write another word about it without falling, once again, out of my chair.

The final picture, in which Shiva comments that she destroys the people she falls in love with, came out rather nicely, although not too fundamentally hysterical, was well paced and valid. The most important thing about every picture you included was that they all had a point, something I was glad to see.

Miscellaneous: 8.650 Avg’d as per Pee Review guidelines
Final Score: 44.15 This article is already almost ready to be featured, just appeal to the Grammar Nazi’s to see if I missed any errors, fix the current ones, and… profit!

Good luck!

Reviewer: Warm Regards, Javascap
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