Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnScripts:The Single Caucasian Roommate

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edit UnScripts:The Single Caucasian Roommate

Scofield & Friends 13:38, June 14, 2011 (UTC)

I'll do it Shrooms Jello Shrooms 21:25, June 14, 2011 (UTC)
Humour: 8 You are a fine satirist and the humour is dead on. The line "Accept David's proposal, or else!" was particularly hilarious along with "Motherrrfuckkks screeeewin' wid me! You going down, hooooes!". The script sort of reminds me of shortened version of Cable Guy only far more extreme. I love the way Jason speaks, his earnestness really comes through. Sort of reminds me of a psychopathic version of the user lollipop. In fact the dialogue as a whole is 9 going on 10.
Concept: 6 The whole psycho-stalker-friend that Robert Redford and Jane Fonda did so well with in the 80's I thought had really been done to death and was beyond satire. I think you've done well with a pretty stale concept.
Prose and formatting: 7 It's fine. I had to correct one error where Jason thanks Jason. One thing you might consider is alternating the pictures so the 1st is on the right, 2nd on the left, 3rd on the right etc. I don't know why but it breaks things up a bit and makes the whole thing seem less workmanlike - it would also make it look like creepy Jason is staring some of the other characters.
Images: 8 Excellent I didn't realised Bill Paxton a) had such big teeth and b) would actually be good at playing a psychopath. Now I do. I'm sure you could have found a funny picture of a therapist, which prevents you getting a 9 on this.
Miscellaneous: 8 I really like the ending. I'm a fan of short scripts with dumb endings, it's the kind of ending that some users will say is lazy and immature but others will revel in. I am certainly a reveller in this case.
Final Score: 37 It's short, it's sweet, it's wholesome. This could be just another script or the script of the year. I'm probably not the best person to judge as I've only read this unscript and the one with the lego cop. But there you have it, one review from someone who's only ever done two previously. If what I've said is insufficient you can always ask for a new one. For what it's worth I think you (and your friends?) are (a) great writer/s and you should do more. Maybe try something a bit more ambitious that mixes a few genres together. You certainly have the ability to write distinctive dialogue for many characters.
Reviewer: Shrooms Jello Shrooms 22:23, June 14, 2011 (UTC)
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