Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnScripts:Song of the South

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edit UnScripts:Song of the South

This is the bitterest thing I've written; not sure how funny it it. Cap'n Sir Ben GUN WotM VFH VFP 03:08, 21 April 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 6 Very clever; how funny it is: I can't really say. It's a very well handled "satire" of racism from kind of Steinbeck style setting. Scripts are functional pieces for actors and directors; with this in mind Unscripts is a difficult medium to create humour and very few writers succeed. I think more parody/humour could be created with a first person monologue; the oblivious Remus would be better suited to retelling his encounters for comedic effect rather than the script format, the other characters responses could be better highlighted that way
Concept: 10 The concept is superb and really breaks the mold. If it were to get featured it would set a precedent for the site (I think). It rips into an ideology well, and highlight ignorance and possibly Masochism within it-I've done a similar article and know this is very difficult to do so my hats off to you
Prose and formatting: 5 I'm on the fence with the script formatting, it detracts from the messages of your article. Similarly the often brisk scenes look so distant from actual Script/Play style writing, and this aspect looks shoddy. Certainly condense these at the very least; it would drastically improve the piece. It needs a good proofread and obviously unintentional typos are throughout. I also would consider the accent style here, you shift abruptly from the Deep South to more modern prose- I would let your inner Tennessee Williams flow though this one, it'll look more coherent and add to the distinctive style and them of the piece if all the characters had a similar accent with specific allusions of Remus' ethnicity.
Images: 7 Nothing especially to complain about here, but nothing to shout about, I would consider getting more images that set the scene a little more. It's not in (my opinion) a serious factor and I would shift concentration toward the writing and the style of the piece. I would also move the one at the bottom further up, it looks good.
Miscellaneous: 10 This is a very original article; I think it could come to be one of the top five pages on the site if you make some changes. I would not change the story or themes, just how you convey them.
Final Score: 38 I hope this has been a helpful review and you keep up with this article:)
Reviewer: --Sycamore (Talk) 10:04, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
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