Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnScripts:Science vs Religion (Review 1)
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Yes, this is a play on crappy educational films. It isn't completed but i want to see if it is on the right track. --Moneke 04:18, 7 January 2008 (UTC)
|A big mug o' reviewin' strength tea? Why, that must mean this article|
is being reviewed by:
UU - natter
(While you're welcome to review it as well, you might like to consider helping someone else instead).
(Also, if the review hasn't been finished within 24 hours of this tag appearing, feel free to remove it or clout UU athwart the ear'ole).
|Humour:||8||I like what's here, and there's more to come, I hope, so that gets a good score from me. A few comments though, see below.|
|Concept:||8||Yeah, a good concept, let's get science and religion in the ring and give each other a good kicking! You seem to have picked quite a good structure to the showdown as well, if round one is anything to go by. I'm wondering what rounds two and three will be...|
|Prose and formatting:||7||It's pretty well written, and the formatting is decent. I'd keep an eye on the length if I were you - there are some quite long UnScripts out there, but you have to be careful you don't lose your audience before the end.|
|Images:||0||OK, you don't have any. You need some. I'd be happy to help, to be honest - I'm quite taken with this, so I'll have a play over the weekend and see if I can come up with something - if you don't want me to, give me a yell. But yeah, you need pics. One or two per section, I'd say. You have some good imagery suggested, I'm sure you can find something good.|
|Miscellaneous:||5.8||Averaged according to scientific principles and the will of an unspecified deity.|
|Final Score:||28.8||Yeah, this is a good piece, just suffering from a lack of pictures and needing finishing. It's really promising, and I enjoyed reading it. Please see the comments below for further thoughts/suggestions, but my main one is: finish this!|
|Reviewer:||--Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 13:55, 25 January 2008 (UTC)|
Whee! That was fun! OK, comments:
First up, the "before the fight" section - the confrontation between the primate and the pope doesn't really work, for me. How about them both cutting separate WWE-style promos? You could easily convey animosity through these, and it fits nicely with the overall style of the piece.
A small point: Lord Khan Eki-kluk-eki-bong-klu the 57th of the 3rd Klingon empire - he speaks 3 times, and has a different name each time. OK, so the first and second are fine, and funny, but the third is not necessary and slightly confusing - stick to Lord Khan blah-blah or something.
Also, the action descriptions being in small makes them a pain to read, and there's quite a lot of them. Consider changing them to italics, as in some other UnScripts.
Other than that, I don't have too much to add at this stage. If you write a bit more and just want a quick opinion on it, give me a shout - I'm happy to have a look and give you an honest opinion. Same applies if you're stuck for ideas - although I get the impression you know fairly well where you're going with this - and you're definitely on the right track!