Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnScripts:Heinous Dan

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edit UnScripts:Heinous Dan

Enjoy. It's a bit dark, though. I know I need pictures, and I hope I can get those soon. ~ Tophatsig 30/03/2008 @ 17:16
User:Jocke Pirat/Blade
is being reviewed by
CajekHi!
Your Source for Fine Scented Pee
And Whatever Else Comes Out Of Him

When people let an article sit in the cue this long, I come in.   Le Cejak <Apr 02, 2008 [1:05]>

Humour: 8 avg of each section
  • intro [8]: I've seen Dirty Harry a few times, so I'm excited. ...Enjoyable! However, I think I may have not liked the intro as much as I could have due to UU's groundbreaking new thriller, UnScripts:Average Cop, which is basically a parody of this. Good intro, however. You stated point-blank, so to speak, what it is we're in for.
  • Scene One: A Bank Robbery [9]: Starts off slow, then picks up at the end of the scene. It's the camera angles that are the star of this scene, not Dan. The different, wonky angles plus the craziness of Dan at the end are what made this an 9. Take out either one and the scene would have been far weaker.
  • Scene Two: In Which the Arch Nemesis is Met [8]: Oh yes, a parody of cop movies! I always love that. However, it's fairly predictable for me. I gave you a point higher than I would've otherwise, because not everyone knows the parody as well as you or I, plus you did a good job.
  • Scene Three: A Hostage Crisis [7]: I think that scene 2 gives us too much predictability into scene 3. I kinda figured that some kind of hippie thing was going on.
  • Scene Four: Tracking Down the Killer [7]: Ah, I know what's wrong: the tone. Instead of Dan being realistic about each situation (a serial killer getting your job is bad to both a real person AND Dan), make him agree more with the commissioner. The tone is making me flip from "this is a parody of something dumb" to "REAL LIFE" all the time. It's disconcerting (real word?).
  • Scene Five: Climatic Battle on ICE! --- A Musical [9]: that last line was awesome. Very original ending, actually.
Concept: 7.5 A parody of a cop movie, you say? You did a good job setting it up, and the execution was above average, but I would feel weird giving an above average score for the concept alone... Maybe I'll go with 7.5?
Prose and formatting: 8 The prose was "okay" for the characters, but really stood out when describing the camera angles.
Images: 7 The picture at the beginning is fine for me.
Miscellaneous: 7.6 avg'd
Final Score: 38.1 This probably would make VFH, but I'm not completely sure about that. See if you can make Dan more unrealistic would be my only real advice. Maybe, if you have any new ideas for scenes 3 and 4, you could add them there, but as far as thinking up any really new ideas? I dunno. Have a scene where he's pulling a random dude over, or something boring... I'm not sure.
Reviewer:   Le Cejak <Apr 02, 2008 [13:36]>
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