Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnScripts:Enemy of the CIA

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edit UnScripts:Enemy of the CIA

Lord Scofield Stark 16:55, August 4, 2012 (UTC)

I'll get this super-old request. Sorry for the wait, Lord Scofield. --Murder Frog Dull interest wanes. 22:47, December 30, 2012 (UTC)
Humour: 6 This script is obviously very short (maybe more like a teaser trailer for something bigger), but the humor is still there; it's the classic CIA assasination tale where people who speak out against the government are permanently silenced. However, I see you've added a little twist to make it funnier, where the agent has a little fun with his duty and tricks the reporter before killing him. That and the way you made the conclusion so dramatic with the guy contacting base to confirm his kill. Kind of dark, it makes a statement about the abuse of power, and it is funny (in a sinister way). The only problem is that it's really short. I don't know if it's just my thinking, but the title made me feel like it would be a lot longer and more dramatic, as well as having more space for that sort of dark humor. Instead, it ends kind of abruptly, even though you do wrap it up nicely at the end. I know you could probably expand on this if you wanted to, like maybe delve into the dirty work of the CIA a bit more with examples of wiretapping, espionage, or mucking around on an international scale. It's really up to you, and it is dark humor but the whole creepiness of the CIA can be used in this script a lot more. That's all I can really say about the humor: try to expand. And you seem like a really good writer from what's already there, so go for it, dood!
Concept: 9 Really good topic. It's always good to criticize the ways of government organizations, and this topic concerning what can happen to enemies of our leaders can be used in a humorous but also sobering way. Nice, nice choice.
Prose and formatting: 7.5 Looks nice with the typewriter font and the script layout. Some errors with commas, but nothing major. Just proofread after writing.
Images: 0 Ew... That zero looks bad, but its easily remedied. Find some good photos to illustrate at least one of the things you write about in the script. A black helicopter, maybe? If you expand it with more goodies, you can add even more. But find at least one, to make the article look nicer.
Miscellaneous: 5.6 Averaged scores.
Final Score: 28.1 Looks very promising, but if you can find some time, really try to expand it with more info about the sinister CIA. Add an Act 2 or 3, and be humorous as well as make a statement about the corruption of power in the good old US. I think this can be really good I you spend some more time with it. And sorry for the final score being low; the photo brought it way down, but like I said, that's an easy fix. Really like what you have so far.
Reviewer: --Murder Frog Dull interest wanes. 23:13, December 30, 2012 (UTC)


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