Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnScripts:Calthorpe's Comeuppance
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My next script, much more accessible than Finnegan's, but just as funny I hope. It has absolutely no images - this is where the bulk of the review will come in handy, I think. Knucmo2 16:35, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||9||Note 1. “Sudoku” felt anachronistic especially due to Sudoku’s emergent popularity only in recent years. It’s really a minor note: but one imagines that an intent of this article is to maintain and accentuate the antiquated atmosphere throughout.
Note 2. “Arthur: Yes it did - and my strength too. The pieces were made of lead.” Very good. Haha, how unexpected!
Note 3. “Bill: Really? I thought you couldn't count past five. Arthur: Nonsense. Why, only yesterday I was tackling the the Times Crossword after tea at around half past....<pause> Bill: Six?” Excellent. lol, the butler sure is cheeky.
Note 4. “Bill: ...Ok then, how many letters does the word 'dinner' have sir? Arthur: Errrrrrmmm...one? Bill: You were close…” LOL! Good, very good! The butler spits politic venom--very much like Blackadder: the servant’s immense disdain and relish of abuse heaped upon the master is all too apparent.
Note 5. “Arthur: Oh its no good - to hell with this clever-talk. I want to be able to have fun and be clever at the same time.” This line actually is poignant: after all, don’t we all aspire to be pithy-saying smiths? Elicited a furrowed brow.
Note 6. “Arthur: Not very clever, pissing off the church. Bill: Not at all sir, but it is fun. Arthur: Yes, I can just imagine the fun if you happened to wet some poor chap beneath you. Bill: Er no sir, he didn't urinate off the top of a church building; he pissed off members of the church.” Ah, very clever. Silly misunderstanding. Elicited appreciation.
Note 7. “Arthur: The only clever people I've really heard of is Socrates and John Stuart Mill. Bill: Brilliant minds, sir. Arthur: Yes, Socrates with his invention of the sock, and Mill with his invention of the windmill. Bill: Dare I enquire as to what you think Immanuel Kant invented?” Once again, :) Very good.
Note 8. The end of the first scene elicited pity instead of smirks, smiles, or lols: Calthorpe for all his upper-class twitiness is endearing to the reader. I should have expected such shafting considering “Calthorpe’s Comeuppance”; but still. Regardless, the ending to the first scene satisfactorily reaffirmed the hopelessness and incompetence of Calthorpe and the opportunistic and unsavory Bill.
Note 9. “Back at the house of Calthorpe-Drummondsley, and Arthur is sporting a ridiculous smile on his face. His butler Bill walks in, after performing several errands about the town for his master, such as, sending off various letters, ordering a gross of quail's eggs, and applying for entry into the Stupidly Rich and Stupid in General Club.” The first sentence is just great. The reader imagined an ‘idiotpleasedwithhimself-smile’. However, the remaining sentence elicited only acknowledgement.
Note 10. “Arthur: Well, while you were out I have in fact been working on my counting, and have added five numbers to my counting repertoire. Not only that, but I've worked on my decimals too!” lol, *giggle*
Note 11. “Bill: Well sir, this is a turn-up for the plus-fours.” I’m afraid I don’t get it: please explain! I feel like I’m missing out on some lols.
Note 12. “Arthur: Ok, from the beginning then. One, two, three, four, five..... Bill: Yes.... Arthur: Five point one, five point two, five point three, five point four...and five point five!! Bill: Astonishing sir. And I am 5.5% impressed with that intellectual feat of yours.” LOL! Absolutely clever! Employs irony and searing sarcasm.
Note 13. “Arthur: So you're totally impressed then! I knew you would be.” Enjoyed the italisis: emphasized Calthorpe’s obliviousness. Great line.
Note 14. “Bill: I think its a fairly safe bet how many numbers you'll learn tomorrow sir. Anyway, I've made us both some afternoon crumpets, with jam, marmalade, or whatever you like on it. How many would you like? Arthur: Five! Actually, make that five point four! Bill: (aside) Oh dear lord!” LOL! Brilliant! Calthorpe’s dialouge is pitch perfect in capturing that ‘child triumphant’ tone. Also, Bill’s exasperation just seethes.
Note 15. “Arthur: Well I hate to break it you but e isn't a number - its a letter!” After the previous exchange, it appears that our dear butler is losing his composure, haha.
Note 16. “Arthur: Irrational? Absurd. Hmmm...E-rational? Get it! Ha ha ha.” LOL, pitch perfect glee.
Note 17. “Bill: One point to you sir. You have me. One point to you, set against the vast number of points I have scored against you.” Oh Bill: so wicked, so scathing, so sparklingly caustic. Very, very clever retort. Elicited mucho appreciation.
Note 18. “Bill: Ok then sir - try this one. 2 plus 2 is 4. Prove me wrong or else forfeit. Arthur: Oh damn it. I'm going to have to forfeit. You win. Bill: Thank you. Arthur: I'm going to have to think of a counterclaim to that. It's such a convincing argument. Bill: Indeed - the power of numbers.” LOL! How ridiculous! Especially enjoyed Calthorpe’s quip “It's such a convincing argument.”
Note 19. “The two gentleman pause for thought. Or in Arthur's case, he just pauses. ” Hahaha, good.
Note 20. “Bill: And how sir, was that your opportunity to marry this lovely lady? Was she turned on by men who accidentally cripple their friends? What a strange fetish.” Very clever and satisfying response to Calthorpe’s rambling non-sequitur. Elicited lols.
Note 21. “Arthur: No sir, think! If I would have killed him, then she would never have met him, and hence be free to marry who she chooses! And I'd propose to her, naturally.” LOL, oh right! Duh!
Note 22. “Bill: Well, rather than suggest to them that they stop drinking coffee, or switch to a decaffeinated type, you suggested that they have their heart removed.” Excellent delivery. The sentence quickly reads initially then sort of plummets into a deadpan and matter-o-factly pace accentuating the unexpectedness of the ending idea. Elicited much appreciation and lols.
Note 23. The ending to the second scene was fine.
Note 24. “Sourav: No, my wife is also born of an Armitrao. Bill: Oh good lord (aside) What sort of people does Arthur associate with?” LOL! Man, that was a good line.
Note 25. “Meera: Yes, I was an Armitrao before I married, but from a completely and unrelated different clan to Sourav's! We did laugh when we first found out that we had identical last names when we dated, and the registry office initially refused us! But, fear not, we aren't related, except by name and by law.” Well that’s the end of that: ami’rite guys?
Note 26. “Bill:...But more importantly than that - what on earth possessed you to shoot a two year old toddler!” Quite the question, lol. Why Calthorpe? And *gasp* does Bill have a soul?
Note 27. “Bill: Well, you certainly achieved your objective of 'Scaring everyone stupid'...How far away was the pram from Sourav? Arthur: He was in the next garden, about half a mile away. Bill: Half a mile? You are a truly awful shot sir! I bet when you play tennis your partner has to stand in another court to receive your serve!” Elicited a smile. The imagery is too tickling.
Note 28. The ending was a bit weird: it played out more like a stunted drama. Also, the article feels far from FIN: the reader anticipates more LOLZ.
|Concept:||9||Excellent concept. Careful caricature of class crassness.|
|Prose and formatting:||7||Prose was excellent: attempts at ‘antiquated turn of century riche writing’ are susceptible to hackneyed dialogue like “Why, helllooo sir” and “Please, pass the poupon” and the like. This article witnesses otherwise. The dialogue and the stage backgrounds could have comprised a real screenplay of Jeeves and Wooster and especially Blackadder. Formatting was fine.|
|Images:||0||No images. Unfortunately, I’ve no ideas about this. My apologies. However, one potentially fun image in mind would be the scenario Calthorpe taking aim at the baby carriage.|
|Final Score:||31.3||Very thoughtful and very well-executed article parodying that mainstay of British comedy: the comedy of class. The ending just needs to be reworked. And some images need to be added. After that, I look forward to nominating the article and voting for it on VFH. Excellent read. Good luck and Godspeed.|
|Reviewer:||Mightydandylion (talk) Fk 04:32, 21 June 2008 (UTC)|