Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnReviews:Seven Kingdoms Conquest (2nd opinion)

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edit UnReviews:Seven Kingdoms Conquest

You see, Magic man had committed to reviewing this article, so I'm going to give him that chance. Other people need not bother for now. --Scofield 10:17, December 27, 2010 (UTC) Scofield 10:17, December 27, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah too bad he never will. Deal with it. My review was fine. --ComradeSlice, Grue Army (92 Squadron)  15:39, December 28, 2010 (UTC)
No, ComradeSlice, it really wasn't. I'll say this again - you need to read the guidelines, and please, please be polite. Reviewing articles is a favour done, in the hopes that it will help the requester improve their article(s), but even with the guidelines set in place to increase the odds, there is no guarantee that it will. If they want a second opinion, they may ask, although if those that do the requesting would also do more reviews, themselves, things would probably run a little smoother.
I'll grant, Magic man appears to have disappeared, and there is a reason for the 24-hour thing, so Scofield, you might want to release it to the general crowd on the off chance someone else wants to do it in the meantime. Do note, however, that when you nom it on VFH, most folk will probably be inclined to wait to review the article until it is off VFH, either passed or failed, since if it does pass there isn't much point in a review anymore. 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 16:36, 28 December 2010
If this fails on VFH then I'll get it... --Magic Snow man 21:32, December 28, 2010 (UTC)

I think somebody better review this before it gets off VFH, as chances of it passing don't look too good. If I make the required changes, though.... --Scofield 19:13, December 30, 2010 (UTC)

Okay, so it's off VFH. Anybody who can give an in-depth review is most welcome to check this out. --Scofield 10:14, January 1, 2011 (UTC)

I'm doing it now. --Tophat headless 15:09, January 1, 2011 (UTC)
Humour: 4 Maybe I'm missing something here, but I really didn't find any humor in here at all. It just seams like a regular video game review.

So I'll start off with the introduction. So I think the main joke here is how you say it sucks a bunch of times. Well that's not really funny. To tell you the truth, it's quite the opposite. The whole "sucks" thing makes the introduction feel kinda stupid and... Unprofessional. And you need a little professionalism in [almost] any article. So maybe you could do something like this: "And fortunately, this game is great!" OK, so that's not a very funny example, but you get what I'm trying to say, right? Also, saying "And I'm going to tell you all why" is really bad. You never tell the reader what you're gonna do in the begining. Then the surprise factor of the article is gone. Now don't get me wrong, telling the reader what you're gonna do in the begining can be a great way to get humor. For example, the article I'm writing (or rewrting as it would be) now, This article will NOT scare you in any way. I promise!. Which tells you in the title what ti's going to do (or not do I guess). But even that has a surprise ending.

Presentation: I couldn't really find the main joke in this section (or any joke at all). But I was thinking, maybe you could talk about how great it is and then say "but other then that it I hate it". Like "Well the game has a great cover, great landscapes, awsome battles, and a host of added effects. But other then that it I hate it." Get what I'm trying to say? Maybe that could even be your running joke, that you talk about how great it is, but at the same time hint at how bad it really is. Or something...

Gameplay: Again, no real jokes here. Actually to be fair, there was one, and I liked that one. It was the one where you were like 'Did my unit get stuck behind that demon haunt? Or was it a demon portal? Ah, it's a demon void! Or is it? Well, how the hell am I supposed to know if everything looks the same?" That was pretty funny. More sarcasm like that would be good for this article. I also rally liked the joke about salient features of the game which surprisingly were not mentioned on its cover.

Closing comments: Well I'm not actually shure what's wrong with this section. There is something, but I'm not shure what it is. It just needs more jokes. I did how ever like the joke about how nobody's playing it anyway. Great joke. Like I've said before, more jokes like that would be great.

Concept: 7 I think the concept of this article is pretty good. I don't remember ever seeing an UnReview for a video game. It's just the humor that holds the article back.
Prose and formatting: 8 I gave this an eight because I'm pretty bad at spelling, grammar, and the rest myself. But I figured it couldn't be perfect, so behold, an eight. Other then that, the sections seemed to be in good order. So... Ya...
Images: 5 Well, the images are pretty generic. And the captions are too. None of them are really that funny. I don't know what other pictures you would use, but you need ones that aren't just of the game. I think it goes without saying that the very first picture (the really big one) is fine. Just one more thing, the pictures in the article just seem to stack on top of each other. Which is a good reason to have more content
Miscellaneous: 6 Your score averaged.
Final Score: 30 So really the to things you need to work on is 1) Humor 2) Pictures. So ya it need [many] more jokes.
Reviewer: --Tophat headless 23:26, January 1, 2011 (UTC)
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