Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnPoetica:Black Sabbath (expanded)

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edit UnPoetia:Black Sabbath

UnPoetia:Black Sabbath Here's the link to it. 19:37, March 25, 2011 (UTC)

Humour: 3 Overall, it was a good effort, however, it makes far to much use of cliches, making references to the aspects of Satan that everyone knows so well they don't even reference anymore with the exception of Tenacious D quotes usually doesn't go toward lulz very well. Overall, My suggestion would be use more euphemisms, and ironic understatements to get your humor across.
Concept: 4 Once again, your using a time tested formula in an attempt to achieve humor, but that isn't a bad thing if you take the challenge with a sense of irony about you. While it is okay to point out Satan references when talking about a traditionally satanic band, use satire, not an outright "This is Humor, you will laugh" message.
Prose and formatting: 5 A little better on this one, but my question to you, is this meant to be a poem, or lyrics to a song? There is a definite difference, it it is a poem, shorten your verses, if it is a song, add a chorus. You are a fairly good poet, but take it up a notch.
Images: 2 Just not a lot of humor, perhaps either get some photoshop-like software and make the pictures ironic, for example, make the house on the black sabbath cover pink to achieve irony, or perhaps make the comment say "Notice of Foreclosure", something of the like.
Miscellaneous: 3.8 This is your average.
Final Score: 17.8 Overall I would say that this isn't a bad effort, just less that awesome. This has a lot of potential if you would take it the right direction, I would suggest you read HTBFANJS for good examples of what not to do, and remember, don't be afraid to delete stuff.
Reviewer: --User is Experiencing a Severe Gravitas Shortfall 14:22, April 5, 2011 (UTC)
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