Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnPoetia:Walking in a Klingon Wonderland

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edit UnPoetia:Walking in a Klingon Wonderland

(',:-{|> Ch00bakka the Awesome <|}-:,') 03:29, July 20, 2010 (UTC)

I'll field this one. --John Lydon 13:57, August 13, 2010 (UTC)

Humour: 7 This will be my first ever UnPoetia review, so bear with me. Before we get started on the review, I feel it’s important to clear the air between us. What I’m trying to say is after reading this article, I officially hate you. Let me explain. Being new to UnPoetia, and poetry in general, the first thing I did was see if the poem fit to the tune of “Walking in a Winter Wonderland.” Now, that damn song is stuck in my head. And for that, I hate you. Now that we have that out of the way, on to the review.

Not being much of a Star Trek fan, I was a little skeptical about how I would feel about this article. Not only because I’m not into Star Trek, but I was more afraid that this article would be loaded with inside jokes that would fly right over my head. I have to say, I was very impressed by the way you managed to keep the humor on a level where even someone like myself, who is oblivious to the Star Trek world, could follow along easily. Picking iconic characters such as Captain Kirk and Spock was a great move. Also, instead of going for some plot intensive in-jokes, you stuck with obvious humor by playing on Spock’s ear size and the Klingon’s general hatred for Captain Kirk.

I don’t think poetry has ever made me laugh, but this came close. Very well done.

Concept: 7.5 The concept here is actually very unique. I’m not sure how well it will go over with the general population, but it does manage to take a well known piece of pop culture (Star Trek) and spin it in a unique way.

Usually I would use this section to explain how an author can expand on their work. I ran into a bit of a catch in your case though. I’m assuming this poem is written to follow the well known tune of “Walking in a Winter Wonderland”. That kind of puts a limit on just how much you can actually write. You don’t want your words (lyrics maybe?) to extend past the tune they are based on. In light of this curiosity, I’m going to do something I’ve never done before and say that you don’t need to add a thing.

Prose and formatting: 7 For the purpose of this section, I’m going to treat your poem like lyrics to a song. As I may or may not have stated before, I know very little about poetry. But I do know music. And from what I can tell, you have a classic A-B-A-B-C-C rhyming scheme going. That fits perfectly because that’s the rhyme scheme used in the original song. I did notice a few spots where you made some stretches on the rhymes and the meter. For instance, the line; “Later on , We'll conspire, To set the Earth on fire, We'll burn all their brains, With the plans that we made, Walking in a Klingon wonderland” Contains two problems. The first is that the rhyming scheme for this stanza in the song is supposed to go A-B-C-B-D-D-E. You have A-B-C-B-D-E-F. Basically, all that letter stuff means is that I noticed “Brains” does not rhyme with “made”. If I could be so bold as to offer a fix, I would suggest something like, Later on, we’ll conspire, to set the Earth, on fire, We’ll melt all their brains, and delight in their pain, Wlaking in a Klingon Wonderland. I have no idea why I took such a roundabout way of saying that but I did. Another issue is that your layout is a little off. You should start a new line for the words “On Fire”. You currently have it mashed in with the line “To set the Earth” which makes for a few too many syllables. That’s an easy fix though.

Other than these minor issues, I thought you had a really solid flow throughout the entire poem. I would suggest fixing these because anything that is set to a classic tune and doesn’t follow that tune to the letter is very easily noticed by even the most casual of readers.

Images: 0 There are none. That’s why the score is what it is. I don’t think a poem really needs a truckload of images to sell it, so I was thinking that you should go with just one. But it would have to be a good one. When trying to think of one, I pictured a Klingon riding in a sleigh through a snow covered forest. I have no idea why, I just did. I don’t know where your photo chopping skills stand, but that would be a good image. Other than that, I don’t have a whole lot to contribute here.
Miscellaneous: 5.4 Averaged Score
Final Score: 26.9 I have to admit, I was not at all excited about reviewing a poem. I’ve never liked them. But this one actually made me smile and damn near forced a chuckle out of me. As far as poetry goes, I found it entertaining. Maybe it’s my OCD flaring up or the alignment of the stars or something, but the two flaws I pointed out in the prose section REALLY sttod out to me on every single read through. I really believe that cleaning that small prat up would go a long way in helping this article
Reviewer: --John Lydon 14:46, August 13, 2010 (UTC)
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