Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnPoetia:Poems that don't rhyme
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|Concept:||6||Well... it is what it is. Mildly ironic that it's deploring the things when it is one, but that's really not enough to be overly funny. But since the thing is apparently about poems that don't rhyme, why not have some more specifics about said poems? Examples, why they're so annoying, why this poem is good (add to the irony), as it doesn't seem nearly as full of itself as it could. Which could be nice, depending on what you're going for... if you do make it more haughty and egotistical, not just saying they're bad, but that you're good, and why yours is better, that might be an improvement.
|Humour:||5||At any rate, why you really do need are examples. Even just links to famous poems, genres, authors of the sorts? You could potentially do a lot with links here, and since it is currently pretty much a dead end, you might as well. Think of post-modern poetry - a lot of that is incredibly self-important, as well as quite dumb. And yet people go for that sort of thing... I'd suggest some examples, but frankly, I'm not really that familiar with it. If you look it up, though, you might be able to find some good ones, and using wikipedia:wikipedia links work quite well for making points and examples in such matters.
Hells, though, you could even mimic something specifically... perhaps some cliché of stupid emo poetry, or a famous style, something... or are you already? If so, a link of sorts to that might help the more clueless among us (like me) to get it; I notice this does have a definite structure to it, after all.
|Prose and formatting:||5||This, in a poem, could well be the important part. Or... perhaps not. I dunno; I've never reviewed one before...
Anyways, space is good. Not only does it add irony to the wast of space comment, but it helps emphasise each line. If anything, though, you need more space around the poem itself - the UnPoetia header is right on top of the thing, and it looks a little silly. You could potentially draw out the ending more, make it that much more painfully blah, since you already ran out of ideas, but doing something like that would require an emphasis on why - again, a use for links, or perhaps a comment about, say, the long spacing the pretentious writers like to use to make their poems seem more deep, or something like that. More irony. Just an idea, though.
The ellipses at the ends of the lines, drawing out and emphasising the last words, they do well to add to the structure of the poem, making it that much more poem like. But it doesn't actually help the lines in question nearly as much as it could at the end, unlike the beginning; the first three work lovelily. Then 'whoever is reading this' just breaks up the flow completely. 'Ideas' works, though. You could also make it so with the 'goodbye' for the sake of consistency, if you want...
It's a triangle! Agh!
Seriously, though, since it's a poem, you might as well have the title of the poem on a header below the UnPoetia banner... if you want, anyhow. Is that the title, the 'Poems that don't rhyme', or is that just the page title?
And grammar and speeling are fine.
|Images:||0||Mmm, no images. Not really sure what you can do about this, or if it's even a problem, poetry and all. Yhe normal sort for an article would throw off the flow here, that's for sure. And those notes were just annoying...
You might perhaps put something at the top or the bottom, though. Some sort of emphasis of some such, an image of the sort of poet that is so annoying, that links to their page, even? Or you could use smaller, iconic images as spacers - like the notes were on the edges, but less, er... anty. Ants are bad. But you could put things between the lines and even have it look good if you do it right.
And it really doesn't necessarily need them, anyhow, so... do what you prefer, eh?
|Miscellaneous:||7||Spleen feeling, I reckon. Most certainly not affected by the talkpage. Ye-es... but seriously, as poems go, this one's pretty damn adorable... I guess adorableness bonus goes in miscellanea? I'll assume it does. Also, 5 on my scale is average. So... eh. And even that is completely arbitrary.|
|Final Score:||23||Wheee, hope that helps. Lovely little thing you have already, though what do I know? I never write poetry. Last 'poetry' I wrote had walri on pink sand, and... er, you probably don't care about that. But anyhow, good luck, feel free to disregard as little or much as you feel like, and sorry again about the talkpage, and... yeah. Feel free to ask questions if you have them.
Cheers. Okay, how did I manage to write so much about one little poem?
|Reviewer:||-- 20101105 - 05:25 (UTC)|