Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews: Wilco Let Off Traffic Accident with Warning, Causes Social Uproar

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edit UnNews: Wilco Let Off Traffic Accident with Warning, Causes Social Uproar

Chairman of the Soviet Republicks (Keep Talking) 16:01, September 16, 2009 (UTC)

I've got this one. 24 hours. --ChiefjusticeDS 22:37, October 3, 2009 (UTC)
Humour: 7 Your humour is pretty good, and you write with a pretty good grasp of what an UnNews should be. My first point on your humour is that you should try for a couple more jokes in the article. The article is very firmly based on three jokes, that it was a dog who crashed the car and the band was not involved, that the solution is really idiotic and that Wilco's music isn't that type of music. I think that you need a couple more throwaway jokes as the middle of the article is very laborious to read in it's current form. If you take another look at it as though you are not very familiar with the band or you simply don't think the joke is very good, you will notice that there is nothing to keep this people interested in your article. As it stands I felt that the article was amusing enough but that in some parts it is crying out for some variation, I realise that at it's current length variation is a difficult thing to add, but it needn't be a massive change. I would suggest you try just taking some of your existing explanatory text and trying to fit a couple more jokes in. I also think that the link you have used between the Dog and the band is quite a weak one: "Police are investigating if the dog's name, named after the aforementioned band, had been involved in this accident." The link here is not a strong one and the premise begins to push the bounds of UnNews altogether, remember that something feasible is generally more amusing than something that is completely ridiculous. You could try suggesting that Wilco's music was playing in the car at the time or something along those lines, just to add a bit more feasibility to the article.
Concept: 9 Your concept is fine and you have a good understanding of how an UnNews should be written. My only point here would be that you need to go back and make sure that you are using all the terms appropriately. I mention this here only because you are writing with such a superb tone for most of the article and it is an uncomfortable jolt away from this when you suddenly verge away by incorrectly using a term, it just interrupts the professional and informal tone and I think it would be a shame to let this continue. Otherwise there are virtually no problems here.
Prose and formatting: 5 OK, your spelling and grammar has several problems and I can sum up the best way to sort this out in a single word: Proofread. It is essential, especially when you are writing at your standard, that you check your work carefully as you go because it prevents collections of small errors grouping up and actually adversely effecting the readability of your article. If you don't think that proofreading is a good way to spend your time or you feel that you won't do a good enough job of it then The uncyclopedia proofreading service is there to help people just like you and I would encourage you to take advantage of their services if you need to. If you are going to proofread yourself then the main trouble spots I noticed were, tense confusions (quite common when writing in the style of a newspaper), incorrect word usage, sentence division and incorrect usage of comma's. Yes these things bother me quite a lot, but there is no reason you should allow them to remain in your article. Problems like the tense confusions make your article sound incoherent at times and when you are actually writing pretty well it is a real shame to let this ruin it. Your formatting is OK, but I would suggest moving the image up slightly as it looks quite untidy in it's present position. At it's current length the image to text ratio has no major problems.
Images: 8 Your image is fine but you need to sort out the caption, you could do a lot more things with the caption but the only major thing to do is make sure it is grammatically correct. You should bear in mind how important a caption is to an image and thus revise how you think is best.
Miscellaneous: 7 My overall grade of the article.
Final Score: 36 Your article's substance is absolutely fine and you have obvious ability for writing, all you need to do now is make sure that the way that you say things doesn't ruin your article, and that you try your level best to sort out any humour issues. If you have any comments, questions or queries then feel free to contact me on my talk page. Try not to be discouraged, and keep on working at your article. Good luck making any edits.
Reviewer: --ChiefjusticeDS 09:04, October 4, 2009 (UTC)
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