Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews: Seven Ate Nine!

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edit UnNews: Seven Ate Nine!

-Fangirlscream- Ah mah gad! are you like totally gonna review this or wha! Sir ACROLO KUNFPWAOTMFA •(SPAM) 15:54, 12 July 2009 (UTC)

  • Please dont tag this if its gonna take a week for you to review it... Anyone can now review this page Sir ACROLO KUNFPWAOTMFA •(SPAM) 05:33, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
Given what your user page says at the moment, do you still want this to go ahead? Pup t 07:07, 22/07/2009

:::::: Go ahead and scrap it, not like this article stood a chance against the masses anyway Sir ACROLO KUNFPWAOTMFA •(SPAM) 07:20, 22 July 2009 (UTC)

So... does that mean that you don't want a review on this anymore? Sig_pic.PNG Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 02:45, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
Okay okay I'll admit; I was full of shit! Review if you want! Sir ACROLO KUNFPWAOTMFA •(SPAM) 04:49, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
Okey doke... tomorrow. Late now. Sig_pic.PNG Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 05:32, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
Thanks :) Sir ACROLO KUNFPWAOTMFA •(SPAM) 05:58, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
Concept, which must be
the basis of your article
if I'm using this template:
9 Don't get the wrong impression from the score above; transitioning a popular joke/saying to an article is nothing new. The reason the score is so high is because of how well you've utilized the concept. Instead of the expected dispute over, say, a woman or car or long-lost dead uncle's will, the issue is over an essentially-insignificant equation from over a century ago. This is also carried through well across the entire article, so it doesn't just come off as a gimmick or a set-up for the dispute.
Humor, without a second u,
because I'm American:
5 Now, generally, the concept sections of my reviews are much smaller (this one isn't even that long, so that should tell you something). However, this is the primary problem with your article: it's almost all concept. While there are a few parts that try for humor (I don't mean this in a derogatory way) and a couple parts even made me chuckle, far too much of the article is geared toward establishing the "plot" or building up to a "math" joke. If you're going to keep the main body of the article as focused on math as it is now, there need to be more humorous distractions to keep the interest of a broader audience. Your last line, "Number 8 was unavailable for comment." works perfectly in that sense. You could try making either 9 an obscenely large idiot, making 9's argument completely pointless and further infuriating 7, or further exaggerate 6's panic, making a side-note about some wacky exploit he then did. Just do something that makes it more focused on humor and less focused on "plot".
Your spelling and grammar,
which probably sucks:
8 Your spelling and grammar are very good, but you have a small problem with run-on sentences. Most notably, the entirety of paragraph 3 is a single sentence.
Images, or lack of: 8 Great use of images, both are relevant and have good captions, I just didn't get a chuckle out of either one.
Miscellaneous, not averaged,
despite what some would
have you believe:
8 High misc. score due to the great level of polish on the article.
Final Score, totaled, as most
would have you believe:
38 I'm sorry to say that you're in a position that no writer really wants to be in. You quite clearly have a finished article, but if you want to make it into a feature you'll have to change quite a bit of it to make it, quite frankly, funnier. I wish you the best of luck in this pursuit, hopefully I'll see it on VFH in the near future.
Me: Sig_pic.PNG Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 18:21, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
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