Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Uncyclopedia Cures Cancer (Rewrite)

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edit UnNews:Uncyclopedia Cures Cancer

The preceding signed comment was added by Projectmayhem666 (talk • contribs) 10:05, 26 February 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 4 A competent, if inconsistent start. The "chav" bit at the end doesn't fit the theme of the page, IMO.
Concept: 4 Injokes are hard to pull off. That's why there are a lot of them, but so few shine with the sheen of shining shininess.
Prose and formatting: 4 Three words: punctuation, punctuation, punctuation. As examples, "...some balding fat overpaid doctor talked on about the genetics of cancer from his high school text book." needs commas, and "...one of the loser admins asked the question "What if we like totally turn all the genes off, wouldn't it be like turning a light off"?." has too much punctuation, and in the wrong place ("...some balding, fat, overpaid doctor talked on about the genetics of cancer from his high school text book." and "...one of the loser admins asked the question "What if we like totally turn all the genes off, wouldn't it be like turning a light off?""). I don't know how much this will help you, but I find that it helps to read it out loud. Wherever you pause (except when taking a breath), add a comma.

Three words: formating, formating, formating. While the "rules" for formating here are quite lax, try to be consistent. Either quoted speech is italic, or it isn't. Mixing the two gets confusing. Maintaining consistency is like good oatmeal; few lumps. The "Some of the illnesses..." bit adds a list in a list format to a format that doesn't generally include lists listed like that. Try "Some of the illnesses that can be cured with this technique include being a cripple, being stupid, or being Jimbo Wales."
Three words: grammar, grammar, grammar. "Although members of the general public has rejoiced at the news cancer has now been renderred completely harmless..." contains two mistakes (three if you include "renderred" instead of "rendered). Try "Although members of the general public have' rejoiced at the news that cancer has now been renderred completely harmless..." (yes, it's one "general public", but the has/have is refering to the multiple "members").
Three words: spelling, spelling, spelling. Decicrated isn't a word. Desecrated is. "The resulting affects of..." should be "The resulting effects of...". Affect is close. Effect is best. Shoot for the stars with a lemonade raygun.
Three words: rhythm, rhythm, rhythm. This, believe it or not, is the toughest one. Try to find the order of words that best aids their "flow". "Although members of the general public has rejoiced at the news cancer has now been renderred completely harmless, like a crocodile with an elastic band around its mouth." is okay, while "Although members of the general public have rejoiced at the news cancer has, like a crocodile with an elastic band around its mouth, been rendered completely harmless." flows better. The more that you write, the more that you'll find that special rhythm of a page.

Images: 3 The two are just okay. The first, a 'chop, has a big patch that just filled with the same colour as the sheet, and the addition image doesn't match the "style" of the main one (one's colour, the other looks more like line art). In any event, display them bigger (the latter one is only 150px, which is tiny). When in doubt, go absurd. For instance, plush or cartoon cells are naturally funny (a la).
Miscellaneous: 3.75 Averaged scores.
Final Score: 18.75 I hope this Pee Review doesn't come off as too harsh. If it helps, remember that I'm an insufferable old coot.
Reviewer: Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 04:34, 2 March 2009 (UTC)
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