Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Uncyclopedia Cures Cancer
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Positive criticism please, I've not written an UnNews article before
|Humour:||2||Well, this won't be easy. I think you got the wrong idea of what an actual unnews article is supposed to be. There were many problems with this. First off, is the name mentioning in here. A legit article NEVER puts in the name of their favorite jew no matter how hard to resist it may be. That goes for all of the pleasant folks around here. Do NOT put them in articles, unless it is absolutely necessary...even then don't. It is important because it makes the article more about Uncyclopedia then the information you are presenting. It isn't funny either way though.
Also, another thing that new users often get caught up in. This is what we call, inside jokes, and includes Grues, Chuck Norris, Oscar Wilde, AAAAA, kitten huffing, Captian Obvious, Jesus, and ALLLL the other little jokes we like to sprinkle around this sight. If you want your article to be featured, DO NOT PUT THEM IN YOUR ARTICLE. This is crucial. If you do this, you seem lazy. Anyone can rewrite a joke that has been circulating this site right? Originality is important, and you won't find it with inside jokes.
|Concept:||2||I am kind of combining the humor and concept because in this case, both have to do with the other. What I mean by this, is that your concept is weakened by your humor and your humor is weakened by the concept. Confusing huh? Well its the truth. Anyways, another problem I saw here, was that your whole topic is a bit weak. Finding a cure for cancer could be taken in SUCH a better way I feel. In ways that you could turn into an entire Unbook.
Again though, if you want to make an Unnews, do not base it off Uncyclopedia. I am sorry to repeat myself but it is the glaring issue here. If you take EVERY little reference to every user and injoke in here, you would have very little right? But that very little is good. What you have under the annoying injokes is pretty creative. I feel you should definitely delve into this "off switch" you created and go different directions with this. Think about it, ideas will come to you.
|Prose and formatting:||6||Solid. I do have a few problems though which I will point out as briefly as I can. First of all, you have three sections and 3 paragraphs (and a line). For an article this short, it often looks messy to have as many sections as you do paragraphs. In fact, it is messy in any length of an article. Bulk it up more! Make every section a good three to four paragraphs and really flesh it out. Explain you concept a bit better. Next, the length. It is relatively short, even for an unnews, and if you follow my previous instructions, this will improve.
Finally, you need to do a quick spellcheck. I couldn't find much, but what I did was glaring. For now, I only recall seeing towards the end of your page, "most of us couldn't careless because health freaks" should be, "most of us couldn't care less because health freaks". This is because careless means you have no cares, like a careless bum. Care less means what you are using it as. I believe the sentence that is in is a run-on sentence too. Just run a spellcheck and you will be alright.
|Images:||4||Decent image. It isn't completely random. It also isn't very funny. You should add a better caption maybe or switch it out for a funnier but still relevant picture. A good unnews has about two pictures, so add one more if you increase the size.|
|Final Score:||17.5||Well, sorry it is a bit harsh. The injokes and references to Mordillo and other users really kills this. Expand on the other things you have and this could be really good! If you have any questions, feel free to ask me on my talk page. Good luck bud!|
|Reviewer:||04:03, 26 February 2009 (UTC)|