Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Something Wicked This Way Comes
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I had this idea, and here it is: not sure how funny it is: maybe it has the rare problem of having too much stuff in it. In depth review, please. • <Apr 18, 2008 [4:18]>
"Some Fantasy Place, Like in Lord of the Rings, 1135." And the giggle fest begins, Hahaha! I'll get around to this sometime Friday afternoon. Apologies for any inconvenience! Mightydandylion (talk) Fk 05:23, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||8||Note 1. "Some Fantasy Place, Like in Lord of the Rings, 1108." Very good. Setting relays a derisive tone. Elicited a smile.
Note 2. "Yeah, I think I saw it," says local pig farmer Dusty McNutters. "It was black, of course, and I think it was an evil wizard. Yeah, that's it, an evil wizard." Mr. McNutters was too frightened to answer any more questions, but added, "You guys need any pigs?" The passage employs irony in that something supposedly so wicked, so foul, and so menacing is still susceptible to a shoddy memory and unabashed entrepreneurism. Elicited recognition.
Note 3. "The wicked thing? Oh yeah, I saw it," Very clever. Immediately following such a clear and confident answer, one sees an ambiguous and unsure testimony. Employs explicit irony. Elicited appreciation. "It was definitely either giants or orcs. They were big like giants, but with the determination of orcs.” Good line. Employs parallelism. Kind of poetic. Elicited appreciation. “I'm pretty damn sure it was an army of something wicked." Though the line reinforces the wishy-washiness of the first testimony, this line and the ending of the passage did not elicit any smirks, smiles, or lols. =Added entrepreneurism line.=
Note 4. "There is a strict procedure for this sort of thing," Lord Buggleton said. "When with every breath the air grows stale and deathly cold winds howl and wail, every citizen is to exit the village as calmly and safely as possible, join the nearest angry mob, and pick up the pointiest pitchforks and warmest burning torches they can find. It won't help any, but it sure does make them feel better. ...this is off the record, right?" =changed slightly= Employs cliché in its evocation of that peasant propensity for that sublime manifestation of civic participation: the mob. While not particularly funny, this passage is developmentally important to the humor of the article. Please look at Note 5..
Note 5.The humor of the article is largely dependent upon the peasants actually knowing better than the reader: hitherto, the nature of the witnesses (the stereotypical bumpkins of yore) and their vague testimonies; Lord Buggleton’s seemingly deliberate nonchalance; and the increasingly fantastical nature of the wicked somethings facilitated the readers’ increasing incredulity; but, as Bumplebottom vents, "I hate this stupid town..."Every fucking year, something evil this way comes. It never stops! In 1104, it was an evil wizard followed by an army of orcs! I mean: What the hell? The only thing worth taking in this town is me! I mean, at least take me away from this mind-numbing place!", =changed slightly= =Added entrepreneurism line.= this whole affair truly is a pressing and real concern for the villagers and not a mockable case study of just some silly peasants. Essentially, the whole article is an exercise in reverse dramatic irony. Very impressive and a bit terrifying.
Note 6. "When Olroth, Undead Lord of Screams, flew through Unprotectedville in 1103, did Buggleton flinch? No way. Our angry mob lasted a full eight seconds against Olroth before every single peasant died." Good. This line is endearing through Hippleswitch’s earnest, unembellished praise of her people’s destruction. Elicited appreciation. =Added entrepreneurism line.=
Note 7. "Village idiot and pig farm consultant Brian Tippleswitchsworth expressed concern. "I don't know. Every time something evil this way comes, it's impervious to fire and made of evil, or some damn thing. Last year, it was a balrog from the mines of Cydon, and before that it was a balrog from the mines of Nygar!" Devoid of the balrog imagery, this passage did not elicit any smirks, smiles, or lols.
Note 8. “All I have to say is that this place on a regular Saturday is worse than Transylvania at midnight on Halloween." Very, very clever. Much appreciated. The comparison is tickling.
Note 9. "Every year since 1091, something evil this way has come. Whether it be wizards, orcs, giants, bugbears, or a giant orc wizard followed by an army of bugbears, the town has been utterly screwed every single time." May one suggest taking out bugbears: doing so would employ the rule of three and would also build up a neat train of thought concluding with giant orc wizard. =is now a "Giant Orc Wizard"= =Added entrepreneurism line.=
Note 10. “Blacksmith and part-time pig farmer Harry O'Neilly said of Mr. Ulston, "Yeah, he's smart, but he's forgetting that it's something different every single year. Last year was the horde of bugbears, and the year before that was the evil wizard. How many times do I have to run screaming from my smithy-slash-pig farm before they learn that there's nothing interesting here?” Confusing passage. Is Mr. O’Neilly really refuting Mr. Ulston? Because it sounds like he is affirming Mr. Ulston’s thoughts. Other than that, this passage employs repetition in that the village is a boring and ho-hum hamlet. Passage did not elicit any smirks, smiles, or lols. =deleted stuff=
Note 11. "In response to the something wicked this way coming, some peasants are excited and welcome the change of pace, while most have already begun screaming and running around in circles." Did not elicit any smirks, smiles, or lols. =deleted stuff=
Note 12. "Vecna held a press conference last Wednesday in his Dark Tower. "Yeah, I've seen it too many times. Some wicked person or group or gelatanous blob wants to invade a tiny little village of insignificant morons, and people get hurt." =deleted stuff= Passage witnesses absurdity and irony in that an evil wizard would hold a press conference; that an evil wizard would turn advocate for peasant’s rights; and that the line ends with matter-o-factly (bordering cruelly affectedly obvious) understatement. This passage elicited only recognition.
Note 13. "At the time of this printing, Lord Buggleton has raised the color-coded alarm from "Imminent Doom Black" to "Darker than Sauron's nightmares Black" and Mayor Bumplebottom was last seen signing recruitment papers for a local orc army." The article ends weakly. Elicited no smirks, smiles, or lols. However, "Darker than Sauron's nightmares Black" is excellent and very clever. Elicited a laugh.
Note 14. "I hate this stupid town...I mean, at least take me away from this mind-numbing place!"...Unless they need a really skilled scholar, they shouldn't even come this way."..."How many times do I have to run screaming from my smithy-slash-pig farm before they learn that there's nothing interesting here?" A large chunk of this article (three testimonies worth as identified) relays the ennui of village life. The article suggests a curious and underlying tension between the villagers’ constant apprehension of wicked somethings and the sort of masochistic release accompanying wicked somethings. It’s an interesting idea to explore.
Note 15. The reader just noticed that every Unprotectedvillite is a pig farmer! How subtly silly! Elicited appreciation.
|Concept:||8||Very good concept. Note 5.|
|Prose and formatting:||7||Other than the aforementioned Note 10., prose and formatting were fine. Wholly un-wicked in their keeping with expectant Uncyclopedia standards.|
|Images:||8||The pictures were fine. The pictures neither detracted from nor enhanced the article. If I recall correctly, the first picture had a different caption to it. As of right now, the first picture’s captioning did not elicit any smirks, smiles, or lols. =changed first pic's captioning= The second picture is good. The most tickling part was "Darker than Sauron's nightmares Black". Absolutely excellent.|
|Final Score:||38.8||A very good concept. Not VFH yet. While the concept is well-reinforced and well-sustained throughout the article, there are particularly extended patches of recognition grass and smirk dirt in-between LOL conifers. Just a bit more time and imagination and surely something good will this way come.|
|Reviewer:||Mightydandylion (talk) Fk 05:47, 19 April 2008 (UTC)|
edit Pee Review Round Deux
Note 1. "The wicked thing? Oh yeah, I saw it," said Georgina Tizzlesworth, a local pig farmer. "It was an army of orcs or giants. It was definitely either giants or orcs. They were big like giants, but with the determination of orcs." Mrs. Tizzlesworth looked nervously from side to side and rushed quickly into her ramshackle house before we could ask any more questions but added, "You folks need any mud?" Good. I don’t know why, but this made me laugh.
Note 2. "There is a strict procedure for this sort of thing," Lord Buggleton said. "When with every breath the air grows stale and deathly cold winds howl and wail, every citizen, as calmly and safely as possible, is to join the nearest angry mob and pick up the pointiest pitchforks and warmest burning torches they can find. It won't help any, but it sure does make them feel better. ...this is off the record, right?" Very good. A slight change and yet it now elicited a laugh.
Note 3. "When Olroth, Undead Lord of Screams, breezed through Unprotectedville in 1103, did Buggleton flinch? No way. Our angry mob lasted a full eight seconds before every single peasant died. ...you guys need any filth?" I like the filth peddling, haha. However, is there a way to make the “Our angry mob lasted a full eight seconds before every single peasant died.” more direct, pointed, matter-o-factly? Because the ellipses kind of diffuse the delivery of the previous line. =shortened= =added a line about the previous record set by the peasants=
Note 4. "Last year, it was a balrog from the mines of Cydon, and before that it was a balrog from the mines of Nygar!" No! Please don’t take off this line, lol. My apologies for any misunderstanding. =OK, put the line back=
Note 5. "Whether it be giants, orcs, wizards, or a giant orc wizard, the town has been utterly screwed every single time." Mr. Ulston has suggested that the wicked thing this way coming is wasting it's time. "Unless they need a really skilled scholar, they shouldn't even come this way. ...you guys need any scholaring?" Ah, good. Hahaha
Note 6. "Yeah, I've seen it too many times. Some wicked person or group or gelatanous blob wants to invade a tiny little village of insignificant morons, and people get hurt." Fine. =added location of dark tower=
Note 7. "I mean, if you won't capture me then at least kill me so I won't have to deal with this mind-numbing place anymore! ...you guys need a mayor?" Hahaha, very good.
Note 8. "Does the Something Wicked need a press photographer?" Unfortunately, did not elicit any smirks, smiles, or lols. =changed the line=