Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Scientist disappointed to find cure for cancer (3)

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Revision as of 06:41, July 3, 2009 by Saberwolf116 (talk | contribs)

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edit UnNews:Scientist disappointed to find cure for cancer

After two reviews, I have made the necessary edits. Third opinion, would like some in-depth to catch any mistake or confusing subject. Staircase CUNt 06:34, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Nice job Steppy! This has gotten much better! It's Me Bitches! Don't worry, I won't kill you.
Humour: 7.5 An interesting idea, and it's pretty funny at times, but right now it's still pretty rough. You need to work on this so that it sounds more like something a scientist would actually do. OK, so the scientist is incompetent and stupid. I got that, but I think you stretch the credibility a bit when you say he spent $40 million on drugs and sex. To make this funny, you need to make the doctor seem incompetent, but believably so (more on that below).
Concept: 8 This is a flexible concept that could be made into a solid article. But like I said above, you need to make it believable. For example, if scientists that were working for the government found a cure for cancer, I doubt they would be permitted to tell the public- try to write it so that it falls under more believable circumstances, such as a private scientist finding the cure on this own time. Also, it seems unlikely that a cure for cancer could be found in a drink- try to come up with something a bit more plausible, like finding it from the various chemicals from a nuclear plant, or something along the lines of that. These are just ideas, but you need to make finding a cure for cancer sound a bit less casual and a little more professional.
Prose and formatting: 8 For the most part, pretty good. You don't make any spelling errors that I can see, make all the right quations, etc. My main problem is the text:image ratio. You might want to consider enlarging your current image or add a second one on the bottom as the length of your text, when compared to your images, can make the article tiresome to read.
Images: 6 You've got one image, and it seems like a non-sequitir. What does a bunch of women dancing have to do with your article? I'd recommend you replace it with something a bit more topic appropriate, such as an image of a mad scientist, or a destroyed lab.
Miscellaneous: 7 My overall grade of the article.
Final Score: 36.5 Basically, you've got a decent article that has the potential to be a feature, but right now, it's bogged down by a bit to much randomness. Make sure that you stick to something that can sound scientific, and that you make sure your scientist finds a realistic scenario for finding the cure for cancer. Keep working on this- with just a few more adjustments, this cold be on VFH.

Bottom Line: Write this article more professionally; lose the quick cop-outs in your story. Good luck! =)

Reviewer: Saberwolf116 06:41, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
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