Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Scientist disappointed to find cure for cancer
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I originally made this article, Cajek pointed out things I should do, and I did them. I've got positive feed back from fellow users, so let's give a go, shall we? Staircase CUNt 03:49, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||6||Opening was good and rather like a news article. I'd change However, despite this world-changing discovery, Fletcher's first word was "Damn." to something more like 'Upon such a world-changing discovery, Fletcher's first word was "Damn."'
The first quote is rather good, nothing particularly funny though. Solid. The next paragraph is rather good to and does capture the media hype.
The next paragraph is where it drags, some of the stuff from I asked the prostitutes... ...'this is so traditional'. could be cut as really that kind of describing sexual fantasies isn't all that funny to me at least. I was all like, 'oh baby, yeah' and they were all like, 'you have such a large penis' and it was awesome. Is probably the best to lose.
Yeah, you're forming the narrator into quite the prick. The stuff here works well but it goes a bit overboard, I'd say cut Instead of having them cured, why not have them dead? Most of those people are probably big assholes anyway. Best just wipe 'em off the face of the earth. because it sounds too inflammatory rather than funny and stops the contagious part having its effect. The final line is gold however.
But how did he find the cure? Remember this article isn't just about his sexual exploits or slagging off cancer patients. If anything that detracts from the story. Only have enough of that to build character unless you can integrate that into how he found a cure.
I get the feeling with this idea I could laugh more than I did though.
|Concept:||8||Nice concept, though I would like to know how he found the cure. "Cure for cancer" has been spun different ways before but this gives a new light. I see you painted the main scientist as a slob with 4 hookers rather than as a (formerly) respected scientist, which I feel would be funny to. But it is your article.|
|Prose and formatting:||8||Prose was adequate and formatting was typical.|
|Images:||7.5||One image, nothing special, but the caption worked well.|
|Final Score:||36.7||Tis a good idea, I just feel you add more about how he found the cure. Not really a feature yet though.|
|Reviewer:||--16:29, 28 May 2009 (UTC)|
Really I've seen so many of those And then I did X to [insert derogatory term for women here]. It was awesome. it loses all comedic effect on me so I may be biased.