Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Pro-choice group demands right to carry out post-natal abortions
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--23:47, June 17, 2010 (UTC)
I'm on it. --—John Lydon 12:47, June 22, 2010 (UTC)
|Humour:||6||I thought the humor here was decent but not fall off my chair funny. In fairness, it’s pretty hard to make an UnNews article really funny. I would say this is about par for the course.
I did notice a few spots where the humor missed a bit though. For instance, the quote by the Pro-Choice group, "We mustn't listen to the religious fanatics who say that a fetus becomes a full human life at the moment when it pops out of a woman's vagina,". I think it’s funny, but I just can’t see a newspaper printing it. It kind of hurts the news report vibe of the article. Maybe changing to something a little less humorous, like “at the moment of birth” would serve the article a little better.
I also thought you missed a real oppurtunity at humor by not exploring the “post natal backstreet abortion”. There’s some gold to be mined from that hill for sure. Maybe it’s just as simple as putting the baby in a dumpster, or maybe something crazy like blindfolding the baby and forcing it to face a firing squad. However you approach it, I think it can only add to the humor here.
One final spot I think you missed some humor was the fact that you didn’t give any statements from the other side, the pro lifers. Adding a few detractor statements in would really give you a chance to stretch the humor some more.
|Concept:||8||I really liked the subject you picked. It’s a hot button topic and most people shy away from those for fear of offending someone. I thought that you did a great job of keeping that impartial, news report feel throughout the article as well. I would suggest adding something from the other side (pro life) into the article not only for the humor factor mentioned above, but also because the article needs that balance. Something can only be construed as offensive if it only approaches one side of the story. By adding that balance on both sides, you seem more impartial and more news like.
As far as the length goes, I feel this is a little too short even for a news article. Not by much, but I feel it’s needs to be just a little longer. Adding something about backstreet abortions as I mentioned above would probably give you plenty of length.
|Prose and formatting:||7||Other than the line mentioned in the humor section, I thought the entire article read very much like an actual news article. Each paragraph flows very well into the next and there were no major spelling or grammatical errors that popped out at me. The only nitpick I can make in this section is that you have a sources section without anything in it. I’m guessing it’s because this isn’t completely finished but I thought I would point it out anyways. Other than that minor detail, I have no issues here.|
|Images:||7||The image fits very well for this article. A lot of times, UnNews writers try to pick some wacky image to add some humor. This only serves to make the article less believable as a news report. I thought you did a great job disguising this entire article as an authentic news piece and it all started with the image. I can definitely see USA Today or some other major publication using that image. Good job here.|
|Final Score:||35||I really liked the fact that you had the stones to tackle a sensitive issue like this. Not only did you handle it very well, it’s a unique topic that hasn’t been beaten to death on Uncyclopedia. That fact alone makes it stand out. I think adding just a tiny bit more to this article will really make it stand out from the pack. I really hope you consider touching on the subject of the backstreet abortions as I think that would really add to the article itself.|
|Reviewer:||--—John Lydon 13:42, June 22, 2010 (UTC)|