Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Pineapple Is Most Suggestive Fruit
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22.214.171.124 15:32, November 5, 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||5||First I know who wrote this even though you used an IP. I don't know if you did that on purpose or not but Whyner figured it out. Anyway I won't say here in case you don't want me to.
I'm really putting my P comments here with the Humor comments. Parts of your article are funny but it's really short. I think you could build it up more.
I like the fruits you chose, because apple, banana and kumquat are all sexual. Apple because people say it's the forbidden fruit, and bananas of course because of their shape, and kumquats just sound sexy. So that part's good. But Viagra-in-a-sausage what's that? It sounds funny but I don't know if it fits unless you say why it does. I like the vegetable placebo part, but I don't care for "glasses up their noses." You say pineapples cause orgasms but don't say how. I think you could do more with that. And what is the chemical and how does it work? You don't have to be real technical just give an idea. And I don't get the prickly covering exciting women; why does it do this? You might get some humor out of saying why. The part about research by me and your mom just doesn't work; this is a news article that only one person will read? And the pineapple stash at the end sounds like you're talking to somebody instead of writing an article. If you want something to sound personal put it in quotes. Like "Dr. Pinscher finished the interview by saying, 'Now if you'll excuse me.'" Also breaking it into quotes will make your article longer.
Did you know pineapples really are associated with sex? There's some things on Wikipedia but also see http://s23.org/wiki/Pineapple. Maybe you could use some of that. You could have an interview with the doctor who did the study, or maybe with someone who was in it who won't tell her name because she's embarrassed. Maybe you could talk about some study someone else did, or say more about how people thought the banana was the sexiest fruit.
|Concept:||5||Your idea's Ok but really there's not much there. A study shows pineapples turn people on more than other fruit. That's not much to make an article out of which is probably why this is so short. You can look for more maybe by doing some research.|
|Prose and formatting:||7||I like your writing I just want to see more of it. Really your score would be higher with more.|
|Images:||5||I really don't know about the pic. It's really primitive but kind of funny. But does it fit? If people are looking at real fruit to see if it's sexy it won't have an MS Paint face.|
|Miscellaneous:||5.5||This is an average of your other scores.|
|Final Score:||27.5||Really I think you could make a good article out of this but you need a lot more. I think you can do it!|
|Reviewer:||DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 06:59, November 6, 2009 (UTC)|